About the Sexual Revolution

The sexual revolution happened before I was born. All I know of it was what I saw on TV – women marching, burning their bras and equality being demanded for all women. Equal pay, equal rights and the equal ability to sleep around.

Or, at least, that’s how it was portrayed.

I think the sexual revolution and the women’s equality movement were beneficial to me in many ways. I appreciate the fact that I am paid as much as my male counterparts. I appreciate the fact that my future daughters can play any sport they want. And I appreciate all the minority government contracts that were set aside for minorities and women. (Not to mention my previously obtained rights to vote and to own property.)
But I also think the sexual revolution brought great losses to women.

One of the issues I have with this ‘revolution’ is the idea that women are now ‘equal’ in their ability to sleep around. Women of my generation and of the generation preceding me were told we were free to sleep with whom we wanted. Birth control became widely available and sex was no longer tied to the idea of procreation. Now, we could just have sex for fun. We could be just as sexually adventurous as man, we were told. Live a little. Date. Sleep around. Enjoy yourself. It’s your Right.

But they never told us the other side of the coin. That with sexual promiscuity comes a higher level of responsibility. That getting pregnant no longer meant a man would ask you to marry him. Or even stick around. As a matter of fact, abortions were as widely available as birth control, so that was now one of the choices we had to make for ourselves.

They never told us that since sex was no longer tied to procreation, not only would the man not necessarily stick around, but may never even acknowledge his child. Nor would there be anyone to pressure this young (or old) man into being responsible. Women were now solely responsible for themselves and, in many cases, responsible for the welfare and development of their children.

And they never told us that men and women process sex so very differently. That the hormonal and biological interactions that occur during sex cause men to become distant and women to become clingy. The Bible even says that sex is the only sin you do to your own body – and that you are ‘joined’ with every person you have sex with. The Bible meant that you are joined ‘spiritually’ – so you connect with every single person you have sex with. And, unless you go through a long period of cleansing and renewal, you will always carry those people around with you in your spirit. For the rest of our lives.

They never told us that.

The other problem I have with the sexual revolution is that I don’t think it prepared women to deal with the reality of being ‘equal’ to men. Yes, we could join the work force, and no longer had to stay home to raise the kids, but we also lost quite a bit. Because we said that a woman has no set place, we now don’t seem to know who we are or where we belong. Most women (myself included) love going to work every day and making a living, but when it comes to the idea of marriage and the ‘equal’ roles that I am told I should want – I am left at a loss. So now I don’t have to cook, clean or be a full-time mom. But, what if I want to do those things? Does that make me any less ‘liberated’? I am often struck not by how many women work these days, but how many women still choose to stay home and be full-time moms. College-educated, smart, work-oriented women. And studies show that women still do the majority of the household and child-raising duties. So, what did we really gain? A new expectation that not only would we work full-time, but that we would do the majority of the household chores and still do most of the child-rearing. That doesn’t sound promising.

The Bible admonishes me to be submissive and humble as a wife. To respect my husband and to serve him as I serve the Lord. Society tells me to be equal to my husband (or even to be dominant in the relationship) and to demand my ‘rights’. Who’s right?

I can tell you this for sure – I do want my rights in my marriage. I want my ‘right’ to have a husband who loves me as much as he loves himself. I want my ‘right’ to have my husband minister to me spiritually and emotionally. And I want my ‘right’ to have a husband who will do what he needs to do to support our combined household (spiritually, financially, etc.). And I want my ‘right’ to a husband who feels just as responsible for our children, our spiritual life and our marriage.

I’m just not sure where all that fits in with the ‘sexual revolution.’

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Excerpt from The Single Black Woman’s Guide to Christian Dating, http://www.christiansinglewoman.com.

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7 responses to “About the Sexual Revolution

  1. Hi

    Thanks again for the credit for my header picture. It looks great.

    Best regards
    Hilde

  2. .

    INTERESTING LINK:

    http://www.christianforums.com/t7450058-9/#post54843789

    [TOPIC:

    The lack of support or encouragement given for the
    +30 year old and +40 year old single Christians to
    remain ‘virgins’ (or even just ‘abstinent’) until marriage.

    Shockingly, it’s actually been found that the place that
    this group is most often mocked, discouraged and / or
    ridiculed for their decision is “within the church” itself.]

    .

  3. Great article. I’m a 24-year old virgin by choice. Some people ask me if I care that I’m “missing out” on sex…I ask them in return, what am I missing out on really? Baggage, babies and birth control? STDs? Sinning? Giving a portion of who I am away to some guy who doesn’t truly care about me? My answer is nope. I’m not missing out.
    And am I worried during my first time I won’t know what to do? I don’t think there’s a problem with reading up about sex for educational purposes, so problem solved there. I’ll probably be a bit nervous, no lies, but I believe I’ll also be so intoxicated with love and desire for my husband whom I’ve saved myself for that I will overcome any pessimism. I’m going to have crazy awesome sex with my husband when I get married someday, I just know it.

    I do get tired of the ridicule, jokes and mockery made about being a virgin past the age of 18, but the mockery itself is so lame and messed up that I don’t let it get to me. It’s pathetic that virgins are mocked for such an honorable decision to abstain from sex. Being abstinent is a difficult path to follow, and we should be given respect, not ridicule, for it.

    At any rate, I’m following God, not the world. And guys I’ve dated loved the fact that I didn’t carry any sexual baggage with me. 🙂 They said it was unique.

    As for women in the workplace, I see no problem with it if they’re not overworking while tending to a family. The real problem lies in men these days. I’ve seen it farrrr too often. Men need to man up and start taking care of their families better. Just because you work all day shouldn’t mean you get to come home and sit on the couch all night while wifey is serving you, the kids, the dog, and cleaning the house.

    • Hi Guest, i really appreciate your comments.. and you know. i was exactly like you… although i did not wait till marriage but married the man i had sex with. I waited till 22 i wasn’t a christian.. but i was very confident in the fact i just didn’t want to hand my self over to anyone. I can relate to everything you are saying.. and all i Can say is.. that when people Mock you . they are JEALOUS! because you are living in the truth of Gods words by your actions, and your actions mirrors theirs.. and they feel condemned.. oh it may look like they are cooler on the outside.. but the truth of Gods word and your actions really exposes where they are and yeah i say they are Jelous.. because you know your worth. and they gave theirs up so easily. I wish i waited till i was married , that would have been correct.. Im proud of you sister… and yes when you do meet your husband… you will go with the flow and all your fears will disappear.. it will be everything God created ite to be.. God bless the Man u Marry and Bless you heaps.. you will have a soul tie just to him and him only..thats a great thing to aim for. so remember when they Mock you.. its their fears manifesting.

    • I like your point! Hummm… you probably know a lot. “Wifey”! haha first time i read that it made me laugh. Good point! Truth. I like it. You’re strong. 🙂

  4. Changing women’s identity over the last few decades has greatlly effected our American culture’s moral and ethical values. As a fiftyseven year old man I have experienced the effects of the “sexual revolution” throughout my life. My son was born when I was thirty. I provided a home, paid all the bills, took care of the yard, cleaned inside our home, washed dishes and was there each day to take care of our son. After five years this was not enough. My wife wanted more, a carreer, a larger home, more money and sex with other men. I sought conseling to work throught these issues. She left to find what she wanted. During the next 13 years she alienated me and my son even though I did not miss one visitation weekend or child support payment.
    Now at twenty six years old my son live with me. He missed the disapline nessarry to provide for himself and the relationship he needed with me. We are establishing that now. It is more difficult at this but we are healing and the remainder of his life and mine will be better for the time we can spend together without the influnce of the “sexual revolution”

    I have worked hard to adjust my attitude towards relationships with women throughout my life. My most recent relationship was interacial. We dated on and off for five years with marrage proposal during last two years. Issues of trust arrose as a result of dishonesty and in the end she told me she was bi-sexual and during the time we where apart was involved in popular “alternative lifestyle” with other people and married couples. When I was open and honest about my feelings and wrote a her letter expressing my needs for a loving manogamouis she never addressed the issue or talked with me about it and after a few weeks left our relationship.

    I feel for younger women who are left with theie changed. I feel this revolution has contributated to deteriorating moral and ethicalvalues that need to change.

    As a man I no longer want a relationship with a modern American woman. I get all the love and support I need from my spiritual relationship to Jesus.

    Thank you for expressing yourself here. May we find truth within and reflect it outword to manifest change.

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