Would You Date a Man Who Makes Less Than You?

This is just a quick post to ask the following question: 

 Ladies: 

Would you date a man who makes less than you?

 Men:

Do you think it’s okay to date a woman who makes more than you?

 Feel free to quote the Bible, share personal experiences or tell us what your pastor/spiritual mentor or friends think.

After I get a few responses, I will let you all know what I think.

Can’t wait to hear from you!

———————————————————————————

Update:

Thank you all for your responses.  The reason I asked this question is because I’ve been noticing a trend where women are becoming the higher wage earners in their relationships.  This seems to have led to a variety of good and bad changes in the marital relationship, as well as in the dating relationship.  Role changes, respect, etc., etc. (I’ll probably address this in more detail in another post.)  Even though this is the case, I still hear a lot of women say they want a man who makes a certain amount of money, has a certain type of degree or has certain type of assets, when the reality is that many men simply don’t have it like that. 

That made me wonder what we really value about our men – is it their income or their level of spirituality?  We all choose mates for a variety of reason, but in today’s changing economy (with downsizing, layoffs and businesses closing down and merging), it seems like income is the last thing you can depend on.  Much more important seems to be the content of your prospective mate’s character – is he or she a hard worker, does he or she love God and is he or she a loving person?  Not to say a good-hearted person who refuses to work is a good choice, but a materialistic workaholic is probably not a very good choice either. 

There is no security to be found in a paycheck.  Ask the Silicon Valley IT workers.  Ask the dot-com entrepreneuers. Ask the people who used to work for Ford and Chrysler.  Ask yourself if you’ve recently experienced a ‘downsize’ in your paycheck.

Doug – I’m really sorry for the experience you had with a Christian woman.  And, to answer your question, I do not think that most of us realize what a ‘covenant’ really means.  To many of us, a marriage covenant only lasts until we no longer ‘feel like it.’  Now, I’m not saying there are not valid reasons to get divorced (the Bible covers that), but I know of many partners who go into it lightheartedly and head out at the first sign of trouble.  God’s idea of covenant involved personal sacrifice, dedication, continuity and faithfulness.  His covenant to us was so powerful that He carried it out even when we thought nothing about Him (while we were yet sinners).  He personally sacrificed His own beloved son in agreement with His covenant to be our God and to save us from this world and from sin.

How many of us are willing to sacrifice our very lives to honor our commitments?  Not very many.

This has truly been an interesting debate.  Please feel free to let me know of any further thoughts you all might have.

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11 responses to “Would You Date a Man Who Makes Less Than You?

  1. I think this is a trick question. Cause the first thing that came to my mind when I first read it was “money”. But it says nothing about money. At first, I thought, I wouldnt mind dating a man who makes less MONEY than me. But that’s not the point. So reviewing the question… I def would not date a man who made less for the relationship than me.
    So it depends on what. If it’s money, no prob, if it’s love, it is a problem and so on.
    Men and women have different tasks, but the sum must equal so the contribution is even.

    • Yes I would date a gentleman, that makes less than I do, he would have to be comfortable with his self, as well a s the table being turned if it were a woman, if a man or a woman are fine with who they are inside and out, and are blessed enough to find someone that will love and respect them for who they are inside and out, that is a blessing within itself.

  2. Sandra:

    I’m sorry for not being more clear. I actually did mean would you date a man who makes less money than you. I’m really curious about the state of our relationships and how much of the success of these relationships depend on finances.

    So – tell me why you wouldn’t have a problem dating a man who made less money than you…

  3. The ‘christian’ woman I used to be married to made more money than I did. My job situation was not good for several years when I was married. Although I am college educated, an adjunct lecturer, formidably talented and experienced, we had a post 911 slump in the NY metro area. My godly wife and her godly mother suggested that I wasn’t a man unless I had a job–even if it was working at Sears as a salesman making $4.00/hr plus comission with a mortgage note every month. My godly wife and her godly mother didn’t think it was her role to assist me with education–to improve my marketability–nor with paying the bills–even though she was–and continues to be–gainfully employed. Today’s reality–particularly for black men (a vanishing breed, by the way)–is that women will do better than men in many situations.

    A better question may have to do with whether the person you are wanting to marry understands the gravity of the covenant,and if they will to their best extent be willing to love their spouse to the highest tenents of their comittment–honor, respect, loyalty, trust–to the extent that the other spouse is likewise willing to honor them, sans abuse and neglect. I personally was willing to do whatever I could to protect my family; however most people’s definition of ‘love’ is proportionate to the net figure on their partner’s pay stub. Jobs, possessions are fleeting; the good–or bad–you do in a marriage will likely out live you for generations, particularly if you produce children.

    I’m probably not a good person to ask this question at this stage of my life, having been profoundly disappointed with the results of my marriage in a godly setting. My experience does not invalidate–in the slightest–God’s word, however; anyone seeking to marry would do well to fully attempt to comprehend the Word’s instruction on this matter; such is the narrow path Jesus taught us to seek in His Words. Indeed, few find this.

  4. Yes, I would. (Well, I’m married now, but this was when I was dating.)

    My concern is not with the $$, but his character. If he is hard working and consistent, it doesn’t matter whether his job blue collar or white collar, earns 5 figures or 6. But his effort and heart.

  5. I’m coming in late and need to get to bed, but this conversation intrigues me. My ex was and still is obsessed with how much he makes. Thankfully, he makes well enough to provide enough support that I do not have to work as a single, divorced mom of two grade-school aged children, one with special needs. But he never got that money is fleeting … it’s just stuff that’s all gonna burn someday. His money gave him opportunities to be unfaithful to me in ways others would not have the same ability.

    There is a single man that I would consider more than a friendship with someday who is a teacher. His character and integrity are above reproach. He has nothing to offer materially, but he has everything that would cause God to smile upon … which is of infinite worth and value to me.

    I’m sorry for the man whose “godly” wife and MIL didn’t get it. God looks at the heart. And when in a marriage covenant, there is neither yours or mine; there is only ours.

  6. What is the difference between what the Christian wants out of life for thier marriage and family verses what secular society wants out of life? Not much. The only difference is the Christian tack God on the end of it. The pagan and the Christian alike says, good job, education, healthy children, happy marriage, except the Christian tack on love, obey God ect ect ect. Have anyone noticed just how much secular society has infected the church? The Christian and the Pagan alike is becoming more and more indistinquishable.

    For example the Pagan and the Christian both introduce them self or someone they know or admire by their name and occupation. As if Occupation defines who they are. The Christian and the Pagan alike have the same noble desires out of marriage and divorce for the same Godless reasons.

    How many times have you heard a woman or a man say ” Oh I dont want anything out of marriage except to serve my wife or my husband and I expect nothing in return”?????

    This is not the american way, and unfortunately it is not the Christian way either, even though it is the biblical way. A person may read that and automatically tension arises. Thats because despite how save we are or are not by natural fallen human nature we exalt our self above all others even GOD.

    What does it mean to be a godly wife or a godly husband. The bible says that husbands and wives are to submit to one another and serve one another. Today the rule of thumb is to find someone that will make you this, or give you that, or bring you this that or other. Its a give an take, 50 50 relationship. Each person have to contribute, and bring something in order to get something. That sounds more like a business transaction more so than a biblical marriage.

    Marriage is a 100 100 give and give bring and recieve nothing relationship. What do I mean by that. Biblical marriage is give 100% to your spouse expect 0% back, bring all, seek nothing. Unfortunately the Pagan and the Christian alike cannot understand this concept.

    Let me shed light.

    Marriage is to be centered on one person and one person only and that is Jesus Christ. The husband is to make Jesus the source of all his happiness, contentment, fullfillment, Joy, and peace, and the wife is to do the exact same thing. Both husband and wife is to seek to capture the heart of God. What is the result? When the husband has made God (who will never dissappoint him) the source of all his needs then he is open to totally serve and place his wife before and above him. He does not feel as if he is missing out on anything because his source is God, the Soveriegn God has already promised to supply ALL his needs therefore he doesnt have to place any expectations on his wife. He can serve her totally. Vice versa the wife is to make God(who will never dissappoint her) the source of all her needs then she is open to totally serve and place her husband before and above her. She does not feel as if she is missing out on anything because her source is God, the Soveriegn God who has already promised to supply ALL her needs.

    Now what do you have?

    You have a man who is freely wanting and desiring to serve his wife TOTALLY with no expectatations placed on her, hands open to be all that she needs him to be. You have a woman who is freely wanting and desiring to serve her husband TOTALLY with no expectation placed on him hands open to give and be all he needs her to be. God says to the husband and wife, place all your expectations on me NOT each other. ” I am GOD ALMIGHTY I can handle it cause i know all of your needs. Now you have a husband and a wife making God and not each other the source or ALL thier needs, seeking to please and honor GOD.. then also along with that…….

    BOOOOOOMMMMMM God will take that man ( whose seeking to please GOD) and ALSO use him to supply to that wife all the physical romantic desires that a woman needs…. BOOOOOMMMMM God will take that woman and ALSO use her to supply the physical romantic desires that man needs . Can you imagine the bedroom of a man who only wants nothing but to physically please his wife expecting nothing in return and a wife who only wants nothing to physically please her husband and expect nothing in return.

    Thats a husband and a wife seeking God and serving each other. The world does not understand this kind of marriage and unfortunately most christians dont either. They have allowed secular society design marriage. The world says find someone to make you happy, Gods say seek ye first your happiness for me and find someone to make happy. The world says find someone that share you interest. Gods says seek your joy from me and find someone to give joy to. The world says find some that bring something to the table. Gods says ask me for your daily bread, and seek someone to serve. The world says find your soulmate, God says give your soul to me, and seek someone soul you can serve. Are you beginning to see the RADICAL difference. Notice how Jesus always refers to the churh using the metaphor of bride and bridegroom. Yet Christ said I come not to be serve but TOO SERVE

    Go ye and do likewise.

    • THIS BLEW MY MIND! Thank you so much for this awsome post. You hit the nail right on the head. I wish this was taught and preached in churches. We as “Christians” get lost in what we “think” we should have and what GOD has for us.

  7. I would marry someone who makes less than me. It’s not about money to me and how much he makes. Times have changed….I want a man who will support my dreams, and I will support his. This is the reason why most women are alone. They are looking for the wrong things. A women will pass up a wonderful man who will love her, support her, and adores everything about herfor someone who makes a lot of money. A lot of times the women’s family and freinds have a lot to say about the choice you make. How is going to support you, and take care of you…how about supporting and taking care of each other??

    Over the years, I have learned more and more of what I NEED. As a women I need to feel protection, support, and unconditonal love from my husband. He can make a lot of money, but if my needs aren’t met, it doesn’t matter.

    Also you don’t know if the man making less, just may build businesses druign your marriage and make you both wealthy….or the one who makes a lot may get laid off and lose everything.

  8. I’m the one above (cf. July 2007) with the ‘christian’ ex-wife. I appreciate kathydarnell’s and Belinda comments. Kathy’s remarks remind me of how important it is to be single in the Lord. Belinda’s last remark is similar to my own situation … The business ideas WILL happen as God lives, and I can only imagine what my ex will think when she finds out what could have been hers … true love, wisdom, and insight are lacking in the world; it will be much easier for me to become wealthy in the Lord–with the formidable gifting he’s blessed me with, this is inevitable–than to recover from a broken heart for loving someone who truly didn’t know how to love me. Both of these are ongoing in my life right now.

    As Christians, our number one goal in life has to be manifesting Jesus in a barren, void, bankrupt world. Anyone who marries needs to know that you will affect another’s life in profound ways and be held accountable for it. Being single or married in the Lord, we can only achieve wholeness through seeking Him first. All things WILL be provided after; indeed first amongst these things is the wisdom to know what Really Matters.

    Jesus said to choose life. We can have our excellence in Him. Is there really anything else? Learn to love, from love, of love. This is a gift from the Lord; this is a gift of the Lord.

  9. I am sorry ladies and gentlement BUT….I can do bad by myself!!! I don’t need a man thats making less money then me. The fact of life is this.
    Women only make 65 cents of the whole $1.00 bill that men make in this country. So if the man I is making less than me, he best be going to school for a degree, certificate or something. And he better be trying to better himself before I come along. I shouldn’t have to put ideas in his head about going back to school etc. etc. He should want that for himself. And if he doesn’t want to better himself, then how is he going to better me, how can he make my life better by having him in it.
    There is a Christian Lie that many people have bought into. It is that Christians are supposed to be poor. Christians should be happy being broke cause Jesus was broke.
    Thats a Lie for the Pit of Hell!!!!
    Why would the soilders that crucified Jesus, cast dice to see who would get his garment/coat? It had to be like a $5,000.00 dollar suit for them to cast lots to see who would get it. Right , Right.
    So, this myth about christians being poor is trash. Also its a myth/lie that christian women should take poor christian men and if they don’t then the women are not really christians. Thats trash also. If men can’t handle women making more money then them, go to Mcdonalds and date the french fry girl. My christianity does not rely on if I date or don’t date rich or poor men.
    I’m so glad the last days are starting (Matthew 24). I’m ready to go to Heaven and leave this earth behind.

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