Players in the Church

I wrote this article a while ago, but I think it is still pretty relevant.  I would love to know what you think, so please comment!

———————————————

Are there ‘Players’ in the Christian church? We all know some guy or girl whose life was utterly changed after meeting someone who ‘blew their mind’ and now their nose is ‘wide open’. And, as hard as they try, they can’t seem to let this person go, even though it costs them money, sleep and wasted time. In this article, we expose these ‘players’ for what they are, identifying the three levels of ‘playerism’, tactics and techniques of the player and ways to avoid falling into their traps!

     First, who are these ‘players?. I define players as those who are doing just that – playing. They play at relationships, they play at commitment and they play with your time. They are not serious, they are not likely to get serious any time soon and simply enjoy the game too much to ever fully give it up. There are three levels of players in the dating game:

     1. ‘Dog’ – Yes, I know this term is offensive to many, but more offensive than that is how the ‘dog’ treats his or her conquests. A ‘dog’ is a player who will date anybody, at any time, under any circumstances. Morals? Values? Forget it. The ‘dog’ will take advantage or your feelings, your best friend’s feelings and then hit on your mom or dad. Most ‘dogs’ are always broke and always looking for a ‘come up’. A ‘dog’ is to be avoided at all costs. Signs that an individual is a ‘dog’:

a. They ask you to dance and if you say no, they ask your friend; 
b. Their pager or phone rings off the hook;
c. They are always checking other people out when you are together;
d. They have several ‘baby mamas’ or ‘baby daddies’;
e. They have no particular ‘type’ – they think short or tall, big or small and everything in between is fine.

     2. ‘Player‘ – The ‘Player’ has gone beyond the level of ‘dog’. They have developed a little more discretion in their dating choices and can afford to be a little more choosy. As a result, the ‘Player’ often dates nice-looking men or women or someone with money.  The ‘Player’ has acquired a few toys, has a nice car or a nice body, which he or she will use to part you from your time, your money, or sexual abstinence.  They are not ready to settle down and will only give vague responses when asked when their last long-term relationship was. ‘Players’, though nice company, are a waste of time and should be avoided. Signs that an individual is a player:

a. Their phone or pager vibrates constantly (they’ve learned how to be quiet about their other men or women); 
b. They say things like ‘I want to settle down when the time is right’ (translation – no time soon and not with you!);
c. They will take you out to nice places or make you a nice dinner, but they always expect something in return; 
d. They are very casual about when they can see you again (because their schedule is filled with other people and other events); and 
e. They respond to your declaration of love with ‘I care about you as well. But I told you I wasn’t ready to settle down’ and then hope that you never bring it up again!
 
     3. ‘Mack‘ – The ‘Mack’ has mastered the dating game. He or she is ‘sharp’ and well-dressed at all times. They have a nice houses, nice cars, and they usually have outstanding personalities. They have an inflated sense of their own self-worth and will remind you of it every chance they get. They are charming, sincere, but non-committal. ‘Macks’ are the most problematic of all the players, because they fool you into thinking you are ‘special’.  And you feel ‘special’ until you realize they treat everyone else the same way, too!  Have fun, go out on a couple of dates, but forget about long-term commitment with the ‘Mack’. Signs that an individual is a ‘Mack: ‘
 

a. You are never sure where their cell phone or pager is (they have discreetly turned it off or placed it in another room to avoid detection);
b. They have always been left heartbroken by some other relationship, which is why they can’t commit to you;
c. You can rarely catch up with them (after all, when they are with someone else, their cell phone or pager is turned off to you as well!);
d. They always behave as if going out with them is an honor; and 
e. They say things like ‘I really care about you’, but their real philosophy is ‘out of sight, out of mind.’

     How can you avoid these players and beat them at their own game? Easy – spend a lot of time when you first meet someone carefully evaluating their statements. Ask yourself these questions – When was the last time they were in a serious relationship? How many children do they have (and by how many different people)? How do they feel about marriage? How often do they call or spend time with you? And definitely don’t rely just on what comes out their mouths – look at their behavior as well. Do these individuals call when they say they will? Do they schedule ‘prime time’ with you (6:00 p.m. on weekdays or afternoon/early evening hours on the weekend)? Or do they call you only during the ‘booty call’ hours (9:00 p.m. on weekdays and even later on the weekends)? I know it’s hard to realize that someone you care about may not care as much about you, but it’s better to face the truth now than pay the consequences later.

     If your main squeeze is failing to show signs of being a commitment-minded, Christian-led individual, then let him or her go. Right now! And learn from your mistakes. Know that your true love is out there, somewhere, and this person will not play games to win your heart. Keep praying, keep going to church and keep talking to God and you can avoid all the traps of the Christian ‘Player’!

Advertisements

7 responses to “Players in the Church

  1. Yeah, my friends and I used to call ourselves girl macks back in high school, Paula Mac, etc.

    Anyway, thank God those days are long gone, and just like everywhere in the world, there are players in the Church and outside of it.

    “There is none righteous, no not one,” except for the one Who shed His blood for us on Calvary.

    So glad for that forgiving Jesus…

  2. This is too funny. It is true though. One more thing about Macks, they usually never ask for anything. When a mack is really good, they will have you offering your blood on a silver platter to make their lives a little smoother.

  3. Well stated, as a Christian Single, avoiding players is important to me. I will say, the more time I spend evaluating my relationships in prayer, the less time I spend with “time wasters”.

  4. I was pursued by a player from the church … it all seemed great at first but once he conquered me then the games began. I could not understand it. How can a church going man be up to this type of behavior. It was dumbfounding at first … and then just frustrating. I tried to break it off twice and he would come back at full force – saying and doing what I wanted to hear and see … until he basically out of the blue broke it off. I still see him at church and we greet each other but it’s as if we never dated or had the talks we shared. He was seen dating someone else of course. This relationship has kept me in prayer and still does because I never want to go through something like this ever again. It affected me on several levels. Thank God I am almost out of the storm …

  5. Years ago, I had a friend down in Florida that when I knew him he was really saved by then. He warned me about church players because he used to be one.
    He said he would go to church and do his holy ghost dance. Ask a girl out to dinner and have her come to his house to pick him up. He would purposely not be ready to go when she got there. He would sit her in the living room while he was getting dressed and would walk through the livingroom in his underwear -briefs of jockey- and tantalize her taste buds.

    Then at the end of the date he would move close to her like he was going to kiss her and would just give her a hug. He would do this and other teasing things for weeks on end. When finally she broke down, she would come on to him and seduce him. He asked her was she sure she wanted to do this-have sex. She would say yes after weeks of his sexual teasing tactics.
    He said that everytime after the sex, he would go to the bathroom and do a count down on how many minutes it would take for him to hear her crying because she had sinned and had sex.
    My friend said he purposely chose christian women because he knew they were celibate or trying to be celibate so they would be clean with no diseases.
    He also knew that once he broke them down and teased them into sinning, he would not be stuck with a woman who wanted a relationship. She would be ashamed to look at him cause she seduced him and made him have sex with her.
    This way, he would be free of her and could go on to the next christian woman. This is exactly word for word what he told me he used to do. He was warning me about the church players and dogs we call men.

  6. The issue is that I have with the women in church is that they KNOW very well that the men are players, or that they are “bad” boys and they still go for them anyway.

    Most brothas who come with respect and in a humble sense get kicked to the curb or have games ran on them, while they date the players and macks.

    I’m not hating, but it’s how it is, especially in black churches.

  7. You missed one!
    Type 4:Vampire Players
    I am type 4. I love god with all my heart. But theres is no doubt that I am some type of vampire. Yes I go out with women who I choose very wisley. But when you look for me you will know that
    1. I only come around when you are hurting
    2. I never make you feel bad.(well I try not too)
    3. I am the rebound. Or the one who sees you when you think no one else does.
    Yes I have been hurt in the past, But thats only once, my first true fall.
    This is not the reason for my playerism. The true reason I am a player is for the first touch. Not what most people think when i say that but, The first part of courtship. I am the feeling you get when you first meet someone, the transition from one to another. The one that all love but humbled. I have watched many girls grow from nothing to something. Yea at first I made a few mistakes. Vampire player wasen’t really that popular among people then. The reason they call it vampire is because you take that persons saddness away. There is some deciption involved but only to avoid hurt. Once the person is healed we find the best way for that person to not like theplayer anymore. Things like falling in love so deeply and overwhellming the person to the point of anoyance. I try to only use that in the most desperate of situations. The worst one I ever used was telling a girl I talk with trees.LOL She didn’t call much after that. Its basically The best way for the other not to like you anymore. They walk away with great feelings of hope, goodness and most of all confidance to find a perfect mate for them. Is it so bad to give some girls hope?? Sex has never been important to me. But the feeling of acceptance is. It in our nature. We love to feel accepted. I know someday this will all end. That beatiful girl with the other half of my heart will come and take me to my knees. I search for her with everybeat of my bleeding heart. But only god knows when she will be here. By the way that comment about teaseing the girl is definitly the right way of passage. The thing with a vampire player, We don’t need the sex!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s