I wrote this article a while ago, but I think it is still pretty relevant. I would love to know what you think, so please comment!
Are there ‘Players’ in the Christian church? We all know some guy or girl whose life was utterly changed after meeting someone who ‘blew their mind’ and now their nose is ‘wide open’. And, as hard as they try, they can’t seem to let this person go, even though it costs them money, sleep and wasted time. In this article, we expose these ‘players’ for what they are, identifying the three levels of ‘playerism’, tactics and techniques of the player and ways to avoid falling into their traps!
First, who are these ‘players?. I define players as those who are doing just that – playing. They play at relationships, they play at commitment and they play with your time. They are not serious, they are not likely to get serious any time soon and simply enjoy the game too much to ever fully give it up. There are three levels of players in the dating game:
1. ‘Dog’ – Yes, I know this term is offensive to many, but more offensive than that is how the ‘dog’ treats his or her conquests. A ‘dog’ is a player who will date anybody, at any time, under any circumstances. Morals? Values? Forget it. The ‘dog’ will take advantage or your feelings, your best friend’s feelings and then hit on your mom or dad. Most ‘dogs’ are always broke and always looking for a ‘come up’. A ‘dog’ is to be avoided at all costs. Signs that an individual is a ‘dog’:
a. They ask you to dance and if you say no, they ask your friend;
b. Their pager or phone rings off the hook;
c. They are always checking other people out when you are together;
d. They have several ‘baby mamas’ or ‘baby daddies’;
e. They have no particular ‘type’ – they think short or tall, big or small and everything in between is fine.
2. ‘Player‘ – The ‘Player’ has gone beyond the level of ‘dog’. They have developed a little more discretion in their dating choices and can afford to be a little more choosy. As a result, the ‘Player’ often dates nice-looking men or women or someone with money. The ‘Player’ has acquired a few toys, has a nice car or a nice body, which he or she will use to part you from your time, your money, or sexual abstinence. They are not ready to settle down and will only give vague responses when asked when their last long-term relationship was. ‘Players’, though nice company, are a waste of time and should be avoided. Signs that an individual is a player:
a. Their phone or pager vibrates constantly (they’ve learned how to be quiet about their other men or women);
b. They say things like ‘I want to settle down when the time is right’ (translation – no time soon and not with you!);
c. They will take you out to nice places or make you a nice dinner, but they always expect something in return;
d. They are very casual about when they can see you again (because their schedule is filled with other people and other events); and
e. They respond to your declaration of love with ‘I care about you as well. But I told you I wasn’t ready to settle down’ and then hope that you never bring it up again!
3. ‘Mack‘ – The ‘Mack’ has mastered the dating game. He or she is ‘sharp’ and well-dressed at all times. They have a nice houses, nice cars, and they usually have outstanding personalities. They have an inflated sense of their own self-worth and will remind you of it every chance they get. They are charming, sincere, but non-committal. ‘Macks’ are the most problematic of all the players, because they fool you into thinking you are ‘special’. And you feel ‘special’ until you realize they treat everyone else the same way, too! Have fun, go out on a couple of dates, but forget about long-term commitment with the ‘Mack’. Signs that an individual is a ‘Mack: ‘
a. You are never sure where their cell phone or pager is (they have discreetly turned it off or placed it in another room to avoid detection);
b. They have always been left heartbroken by some other relationship, which is why they can’t commit to you;
c. You can rarely catch up with them (after all, when they are with someone else, their cell phone or pager is turned off to you as well!);
d. They always behave as if going out with them is an honor; and
e. They say things like ‘I really care about you’, but their real philosophy is ‘out of sight, out of mind.’
How can you avoid these players and beat them at their own game? Easy – spend a lot of time when you first meet someone carefully evaluating their statements. Ask yourself these questions – When was the last time they were in a serious relationship? How many children do they have (and by how many different people)? How do they feel about marriage? How often do they call or spend time with you? And definitely don’t rely just on what comes out their mouths – look at their behavior as well. Do these individuals call when they say they will? Do they schedule ‘prime time’ with you (6:00 p.m. on weekdays or afternoon/early evening hours on the weekend)? Or do they call you only during the ‘booty call’ hours (9:00 p.m. on weekdays and even later on the weekends)? I know it’s hard to realize that someone you care about may not care as much about you, but it’s better to face the truth now than pay the consequences later.
If your main squeeze is failing to show signs of being a commitment-minded, Christian-led individual, then let him or her go. Right now! And learn from your mistakes. Know that your true love is out there, somewhere, and this person will not play games to win your heart. Keep praying, keep going to church and keep talking to God and you can avoid all the traps of the Christian ‘Player’!