Praying For a Spouse

Most of us can reasonably expect to get married.  God ordained marriage from the very beginning when he made Adam and Eve with the explanation that a man should leave his parents and ‘cleave’ (i.e., join together with) his wife (Gen 2).

Christ used marriage to illustrate his relationship with the church, advising husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself to it and for wives to respect their husbands (Eph 5). What beautiful thoughts – men loving their wives as Christ loves us – giving of himself for the relationship, while wives showed the proper respect and deference to their sacrificing husbands.

The Apostle Paul some interesting things to say himself about being married. He says,

I wish that all of you were like me, but God has given different gifts to each of us.

Here is my advice for people who have never been married and for widows. You should stay single, just as I am.

But if you don’t have enough self-control, then go ahead and get married. After all, it is better to marry than to burn with desire. (1Co 7:7-9) (CEV)

Paul is saying that while he would prefer single people to remain single, he realizes most people aren’t capable of staying single without committing a sexual sin, so it’s better for them to be married.  Albert Barnes’ Notes on the Bible puts it more explicitly by saying, “It is better to marry, even with all the inconveniences attending the marriage life in a time of distress and persecution in the church( 1Co_7:26), than to be the prey of raging, consuming, and exciting passions.

That makes it pretty clear – it’s good to remain single if you can, but better (and more the norm) to be married to control your sexual sin, among a myriad of other reasons (to procreate, because it is Divinely-inspired, etc.). It is also very possible that the Apostle Paul’s reference to the fact that he is able to remain celibate is in fact a spiritual gift. There are those among us who are asexual or have been given the power by God to remain single and celibate, but this is rare. Again, most of us can reasonably expect to be married at some point in our lives.

Which makes it reasonable to assume that, if you are still single, you can pray for your future husband or wife.  You can pray things for things like asking God to make you a better husband or wife for when the time comes, or that He watch over your future spouse. You can pray for your future marriage – that He help you two to overcome the obstacles you will face and that He will strengthen the relationship the two of you have. Or even that you two will always put God first in your marriage.

This is all reasonable and Godly. The trouble with us (Christians) usually begins when we spot someone we think would make a fine husband or wife. And we begin to pray specifically for that person to marry us. We ask God to open that person’s eyes so that he or she could see true love staring them in the face. You list to God (and your friends) why the two of you would be perfect, make certain to ‘run into’ this man or woman at odd places and find yourself serving on similar committees at church.  You wait patiently for this man or woman to notice you, ask you out and for the blinders to fall from their eyes as they realize you are ‘the one.’

We get confused sometimes because we know that certain people in the Bible prayed for God to reveal to their husbands or wives to them.  In Genesis 24, Abraham sent his servant out to find a wife for his most precious son, Isaac. When the servant reaches his destination, he prays, “You, LORD, are the God my master Abraham worships. Please keep your promise to him and let me find a wife for Isaac today. (Gen 24:14 (CEV))” The story then goes on to reveal Rebekah is the one chosen for Isaac and they eventually marry.

We seem to think we can engage in the same type of behavior when asking for a spouse, but instead of asking God to reveal our husbands or wives, we ask Him to force that person to marry us. This is not Biblical and this is definitely not the way God works.

God always gives us a choice. If He allows us to choose whether to serve Him or not, whether we choose to live or die, don’t you think He would also give us the choice of who to marry? You cannot (and God will not) compel someone to do something against his or her will.  By praying for a person to act a certain way, you are getting very close to engaging in voodoo or some other type of dark art instead of allowing God to reveal who your husband or wife is in His own good time.

It’s important to remember this point: prayer is to help you change, help others in your life as they go through adversity and, generally, to effectuate God’s purpose here on this earth. Instead, we pray for things selfishly, so that we can use them for our own selfish purposes (James 4:3). This is exactly what we are doing when we pray for God to force another person to marry us.

Instead of engaging in these dangerous practices, instead ask God to reveal to you His purpose and will for your life. Ask Him, first, if you are to be married. Then ask Him what you can do to prepare to be married. This might even be the perfect time to ask if the man or woman you currently have in your life is meant to be your spouse. He is willing to tell you, but are you willing to listen?

As a final warning – don’t try to misuse prayer. Don’t try to get God to force someone to do something he or she is unwilling (and not meant) to do. Instead, pray that God will use your life as He pleases. That He will reveal the man or woman of your dreams in His own time and that you will have the strength to acknowledge His will.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you (Mat 6:33).

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41 responses to “Praying For a Spouse

  1. i should have read this before getting married to my husband, i guess i have sinned because he married me. now things are … and i am wondering since he was unwilling to marry me at the last moment of our planning even though he initiated the marriage, do we still have a covenant with God? do you think God is part of our marriage because He knew in my husband’s heart that he didn’t mean the wedding vows. what do you advice?

  2. Did you pray that God would force your husband to marry you? Is that the ‘sin’ you are referring to? I don’t understand how that could be if you said your husband initiated it. And how did he show reluctance to marry you at the last moment?

    I need to know a bit more background before I give you more advice, so I look forward to hearing back from you!

  3. I am praying for a husband. I am 29 and I have asked God if he wants me to be married or not. I have suh a strong desire to be married. It is very depressing cos every-one keeps asking me when are you planning on get married and I don’t know when I will get married but I want 2. I feel very lonely.

    • Don’t worry you will find him and also don’t stress about people’s comments. In prayer don’t make finding a husband your first priority. Make the love of God your first priority. Ask God to give you the courage to overcome the feeling of loneliness and to guide you to put the yearning for marriage in its proper place. Good things happen when you least expect them.

      Rather than focusing on loneliness focus on the benefits of your single life. Enjoy it and have fun. Stop also associating too much with married friends but rather have more friends who are single and are in the same situation.

  4. I am 49 years old and have prayed for a husband for the past 15 years. I was not aware that I had to change before God would send me the “right” man to marry. When I finally became angry because he was not answering me I was forced to change myself. In the process of changing I have come to the conclusion that there is more than likely not a husband out there for me. The changes I have had to make have given me a satisfied heart to remain single. I thought the changes were to prepare me for the mate God was going to bring to me. But-there is a strong possibility there will be no mate and Jesus will make a sufficient husband for me.

  5. READ THESE FOR GUIDANCE

    it helped me

    Psalm 37/Genesis 22/Ruth

  6. how do i know the man that is my husband?

  7. I wish I read this a few days ago. I’m 21 and have been waiting patiently for a few years now to meet my future husband. Recently I met a guy who I started to like and I started praying and asking God if he is the one I’ve been searching for and praying that hopefully something will work out. I now realize that is wrong. But I have been waiting for so long now and I feel I will never meet anyone. Yet I know in God’s time he will be revealed to me. Sometimes it is hard to be patient but I know it is worth to wait.

  8. I appreciate what you wrote, I don’t think I was praying that God force him to marry me but I did pray that God open his heart to recieve love and that he sees me as a wife. My first prayer concerning this man is that he totally and completely yields to God so that he can hear God. I do feel this the man for me, so many things fell into place but suddenly things took a turn. Now I don’t know whether to stand on faith and keep praying or just let go; but I did ask God to let his will be done and to help me channel my feelings if he is not the one..

  9. Virginia Mutsago

    Pray for me to get a spouse

  10. this has really been helpful. i have been praying for a husband for awhile, and yes there is someone in my life right now that i hope is the one; i don’t think i have prayed to God asking that he makes him be the one but i have prayed that i hope he is; i have asked
    God to reveal whether he is and to be honest I am still unsure; i think what i do that is wrong is I want to make it clear, almost like i need to see the writing on the wall “yes this is your husband or no this is not” my desire is so strong yet i am tired of feeling this way; and yes it would hurt a little to know this person is not but its hurting me more not knowing if he is or not; What do I do cause right now I am driving myself crazy. What do I do if God is not ready to reveal, What do I do to rid myself of the confusion and wondering and need to know now?

    I know God has marriage for me, I know he does. I’m 40, i am really ready to share my life with someone. Sometimes I just cry because I don’t understand why it hasn’t happened BUT i’m tired of crying, wondering and wishing. Help Me

  11. yan
    may you send me your email address i have some materials which am sure will be helpful to you. Am using them currently and they are rally proving to be helpful.My email address is tiwongeuniquenkhwazi@yahoo.com
    Trust in God and ask him to reveal deep and secret things about your life….read Daniel 2 verse 22.
    I pray that the lord will grant you the desires of ur heart in the name of jesus

  12. I’m glad to know I’m not alone. Yan–I’m basically on the same page as you. I desire a ‘written on the wall answer’ as you called it. God doesn’t always work that way though. :/

    Instead of asking God to reveal to me who my husband is, I’ve been praying for God to change a specific guy’s heart (whom I’m in love with) if it’s His will. If it’s not His will I pray for help moving on…Is this prayer wrong then?
    I was involved in a long distance relationship with this guy, and while he liked me (and still might…I don’t want to ask him), he broke up with me because the distance got to him. He said he hated that he couldn’t see me more often. We’ve remained friends since. Is it wrong for me to pray that God release this guy from his fears & pessimism of the long-distance so that he and I can see if we are right for each other without the issue of distance crippling our growth? What if it’s the devil creating these fears in him because the devil knows we could be a strong Christian couple? My intentions are good–I desire a God-centered relationship with this guy, and knowing him has made me a better person & Christian. If I have a strong sense of hope that this guy may lead to something in the future, is it wrong for me to pray about it?

    I really enjoyed this article, but I found one part confusing: If people are given the freedom to choose who they marry, then how are we supposed to know if that person is God’s first-choice, or His will, for us? How will God ‘tell’ us? What if God places the man he wants me to marry in my life and I don’t choose that man?

    Sorry…a lot of questions I know.

    • Mia… i can be confusing when there is already someone in your life, ask his if that person is the one… it’s my understanding, he will answer you in a soft voice and you will know it’s him… pray that your heart, mind and soul is ready to receive and accept his answer and most importantly Trust Him, Have Faith in him and Believe, just believe

      • Thank you for replying Yan. :) I wish it were as easy as God speaking straight to me, but I do not believe God works that way…maybe on rare occasion He does; It’s definitely not impossible. However, from what I’ve learned, God ‘speaks’ through ‘the Word’ AKA the Bible. See article: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/features/22657-is-this-gods-voice-or-mine

        While God has never directly spoken to me (and I do not expect him too) sometimes I can tell when He is leading me in a certain direction. However, in regards to my situation with this guy, my signals from God are getting mixed up. So I have to question if the devil is getting himself involved. God is simplicity and the Devil is confusion. That’s why in my previous post I questioned if the Devil was creating pessimistic thoughts in this guy. OR, it could very well be the other way around, and the devil is confusing me with lies and creating situations that easily get my hopes up (falsely) about this guy.

  13. Hi, My marriage is in shatters, because I forced God and my husband to marry me, because I loved him more and sinned with him.Now, When I got him as my husband, we have no peace as I am a christian and he is an Hindu. There is always fight at home and both of us are not happy. He hurts me sometimes and hurts himself mostly and blames me saying his parents peace have lost because of me and he has cheated his parents by marrying me.

  14. My name is Carol. At 32, i’m a single mother of one daughter of 2 yeras 9 months. Since my girl was born i have been through a tough time, her father told me that he was interested in another woman and not me, yet all along i thougt we were menat to be not to mention all excuses he has come up for not contributing to her upkeep.
    Over the last 1 month i have gone back to God, with my desire to get married, restoration to his perfect design of marrigae and for a husband who will love me and be a good father to my daughter.
    I have read the above guidance and intend to use it, to pray to God to reveal his purpose for my life and to reveal in his own time the husband he would like me to be married to.

    Thank you and to God be the glory

  15. I can relate with a few of the questions that are being asked here. Unfortunately teh issue of love, God’s will, who to marry etc can be complicated and is not so easy to understand. You have to pray, wait on God, wait for that still, small voice and remember that He does speak to us in various ways, though sometimes we are not willing or ready to listen. So we make a wrong choice, and then face the repercussions later.
    I have been there because I am what you’ll call a matured christian, having been a believer from my teenage years. As I waited on God for a husband then, busy working for Him and not too fazed about getting married so quickly while my mates were getting hooked, I got into my 30s not married and was always so sure that God had someone special in store for me, then I panicked and made a wrong choice. After all the years of counselling others I got it wrong and within eight years, my ex-husband divorced me and married someone else almost immediately. The deceitfulness of it all has taken me a while to get over. I believe God has restored me, so now I pray and wait and wait for someone else. It has been ten years since my divorce and I just wonder if I will ever meet someone who loves God genuinely and will commit to a godly christian marriage, even as I see all my mates and siblings being happily married. Still I trust and wait on God.

  16. To Suedee, take it from me that it was not meant to be, and let him go for good. I started dating my husband years ago, it was rough cos i was cheating on me. At first i was bothering myself to make it work but he was lost in lust. Although i wasnt a saint cos i was looking for my own partner and saw the wickedness of some men in the way they handle girls but thank God he came back after a year we got married and i feel so relax and at peace since we came back.
    As at the time he was out, i was in a relationship with a girl who wanted him for a husband at all cost, she did everything for him but he told her no.

  17. I have until now felt ashamed to say that yes, I would like to be married.

    I play the role of a successful independent woman, I receive male attention and have frequent opportunities to date but because I have the mindset that I am not looking to marry I keep falling into situations where I spend time with men I dont even enjoy talking to, or am weak and sin with men that I know could never be my husband. It has been this ongoing cycle. I now want to admit to myself and ask God with faith because yes, I do want to marry the man God assigned for me to fill in the loneliness and share our life in God together. I need Him to guide me to be a good wife and be found by the man he has designated to be my husband, if thats His will. And to give me strength to wait in patience for Him to guide me. And actual faith that He will give me what is best for me, in accordance with his will and unending Love for his daughter.

    I’m praying for all my sisters in God who are now praying for their husbands, and ask that the Virgin Mary intercede as our mother for all of us to our heavenly Father and guide us and our husbands.

  18. I read this almost 3 years after this article was written. I should say it has given me a few more pointers I should remember about finding a spouse.

  19. I am in the same boat. I am 45 and have been praying for a husband forever. I have since sinned before marriage believing that is what i had to do, to get married. I do not want to miss the rapture , and this guy is a nice guy. I do not know if I have the strength to break it off with him, and feel I cannot talk to anyone of my church, because there is a lot of gossip and judgment. I do not want to go back the other way either, where people think there is something wrong with me because i am not married. I am so afraid to grow old alone with no one.

    • Amy – You shouldn’t worry about what people think of you. You should only care about what God thinks of you, and if you are following His word and doing right in his eyes, then you have nothing to fear. Because you sinned before marriage does not mean you will miss the rapture (be saved). Thankfully, our salvation is not based on good or bad deeds because we could never ever do enough good deeds to cleanse our sins if that were the case. it is by Christ’s blood ALONE that we are saved. His love saves us–not how many good deeds we do.

      You need to pray God and ask for discernment in this situation with your guy. If you feel guilty about the situation, chances are it is not a healthy situation because the Holy Spirit convicts us when we sin by making us feel guilty. there is nothing wrong with being single, even though society treats it like a disease. Singleness gives you more time and focus with God! Awesome! :)

      A few months ago God explained to me why I am single. He did not speak to me (I don’t think God works that way), but rather the Holy Spirit convicted my heart of some character flaws I have. They were brought to my attention. These flaws, I learned, are the reason God has kept me single. He’s trying to protect me! If I do not work on my flaws and fears before i bring a guy into my life, I know things will not last or be as happy as they can be. I’m sure I’d get very emotionally hurt, as I already have from a past relationship. Amy, pray that God teaches you what you need to learn in order that you can get married.
      God bless!

      • Thank you Mia. Your words were very comforting and detailed and caring ,showing the love of God.
        I will definitely pray for that. I needed guidance and I believe God works through people sometimes to do that.
        God Bless you too, and thank you so much again, I am touched by your response and thank you Jesus +

  20. All that talk about marriage and expectations and stuff makes me worry. You know, if I am seeing a growing trend of people getting married later and later and later, then why should I have any hope of me getting married in my 20′s or even 30′s? I’m just so close to assuming that God will make me wait longer than I want to. I hope this does not happen though. (oh, there we go again with the hopes getting up…)

  21. Don’t worry. Your life doesn’t have to look like someone else s. My friends are married and they complain alot about having a husband and no passion, and kids taking up all of their time, etc…I don’t think anyone is satisfied, we can’t be, only God gives us true satisfaction, we are made that way. Did you ever get something new that you really wanted and when you got it, it didn’t mean that much to you anymore….bigger and better…etc, that is the flesh. The married and unmarried suffer the same, but differently. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and he will add things to you, all things. I love you in Jesus name, be encouraged…and keep fighting the good fight of faith. + I pray in Jesus name he gives you peace and the answers to your questions. Amen

  22. Amy, I’m so glad I could help!! It’s by God’s lead that I have learned those things. He picks us up and gives us wisdom from bad experiences. I’m glad my past woes could provide a little guidance.

    Now, one HUGE thing I want to suggest to anyone reading this post!
    Read the book “Captivating” by John and Stasi Eldredge.
    God has graced this couple with sooo much knowledge about men and women. They explain things that I use to be so confused about with great ease! The book discusses things every woman has experienced in her life, and why, in regards to God’s creation and the Fall, women (and men) are the ways they are. I don’t read much, but this book has touched my heart, and opened my eyes. I’m beginning to understand why God created women the way he did and how the devil invades our female minds. I’m learning how to invite God to change my heart and heal my inner wounds, and I feel such joy!

    If you don’t read this book, at least keep this in mind. The book talks about how every women has a question. The Question being: Am I lovely? We are all created in God’s likeness. Woman’s likeness to God is our beauty and ability to have strong relationships (not just the marriage kind, but friendship relationships). Man’s likeness to God is his strength. He, like God, is a warrior. Is it not true that all little girls want to be beaaautifull princesses and all little boys want to be superheroes and GI Joes? When a women’s question is not answered (maybe her daddy never told her she was loved and beautiful as a child), her feminity is strained in some way, shape or form. As a result, many women, myself included, start asking men for the answer. We start focusing on our looks too much, going online seeking out why we are single (nudge, nudge), and seeking attention and love from men who often use us. Men are not meant to answer our question. God is. When we know who we are in Christ and unspderstand that he has made each and every one of us beautiful, the question of “am I lovely?” is answered AND satisfied. … I’m getting way detailed here. Seriously, ya need to read the book!!

  23. My names Daniel. Im 20, and very close to Jesus, he is my first priority. Before i came to Christ i was with a non Christian girl. We broke up almost a year ago from a 2 year relationship due to many complications. And now i have Jesus in my life she really wants to be in a relationship with me as she has seen the huge change in my life but she is not willing to accept Jesus, and that is a reason that has allowed me to block off any thoughts of a future with her. In the past few months i have been thinking about future wife alot for some reason. Im going to be praying that God shows me his will and reveals the perfect wife for me. If you can help me in any way please respond or email me. chand_2004_619@hotmail.com

    • Well dude i wish i could give some very clear-cut explanations as to what to do. Firstly i want to highlight your selflessness in saying “no” to the girl because i personally have had the experience and know how it feels to have that great DESIRE for a wife, have the opportunity and turn it down.
      You are definitely on the right track in PRAYING for that wife because the bible has said that when we ask God will give unto us. Continue to pray and serve God with a great earnestness and in no time He will be true to His promises and provide that wife for you.
      Remember that when we have Jesus we will have his light shining from us and it will be very attractive to persons, even non-Christians, but it shouldn’t be that someone is attracted to the light but yet still want to reject it or not shine that light for themselves.

  24. it is really VERY HARD these days connecting with the right person. i am a STRAIGHT MAN that seems to have so much trouble finding the right woman for me, and having a relationship with. i had been married at one time, and i was a very caring and loving husband that never CHEATED on her. but she was the one that cheated on me, and this certainly hurt me very much. i am in my late fifties, and being alone and single again is no fun at all. today the women certainly have changed, and they are not really looking for man anymore like they once did. and with so many women nowadays playing hard to get makes it worse. i was very much the ONE WOMAN MAN at the time that i was married to her, and never mistreated her in anyway. i hope that GOD could give me the LUCK, like so many VERY LUCKY PEOPLE HAVE finding the love of their life.

    • Frank – I agree. It IS difficult to connect with the right person. I’m sorry to hear you were cheated on. I can’t imagine how hard of an event that was to go through, especially when you were making a great effort to be her everything and love her dearly.
      I am half your age and female, yet I find myself facing the same struggle in regards to how people have changed. Men have changed and they are not looking for a lifelong spouse anymore. Generally speaking, they don’t lead as well anymore, and they’ve kinda become more feminine (I know more about cars than many of my guy friends. I can even change my oil–but they have no clue.) . While men don’t play hard to get, i find many of them (Christians included) to be sweet talking liars. They’ll lie if it will get you to like them. They may have some small feelings for you, but nothing lasting, thus their words towards me lack heart. That fakeness, personally speaking, explains why I am hard to get. I don’t play hard to get…I AM hard to get because I am slow to trust thanks to the sweet talking liars I’ve encountered in my past. I have learned to put up walls because my heart is tired of the hurt. I am thankfully a virgin. I can’t imagine how much more broken I’d feel if I were sexually promiscuous. I pray that god blesses me with a man who I love and who loves me…a man who lives up to his words and means what he says!

      • Most of us don’t know some basic skills anymore. The degradation of society is more and more evident each day. Proverbs 31:10-12 (NKJV) says “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Oh, wouldn’t I want a wife like that! But first, we have to prepare for these things.

    • R u still looking for a wife? List your needs

  25. hi Scarlet, it is just to bad that i am too old for you. but i need to meet a good woman my age anyway. it certainly is very difficult connecting with the right person, and years ago it was so much easier.

  26. God does have a plan for each one of us and our prayer should be that we don’t miss His will for us.
    So what are you looking for in a woman, Frank? And how would you know the woman that’s your age group? I have been praying and hoping to meet a man that loves God and who is really interested in having a Christ-centered relationship. I know God will do it soon.

  27. Hi temi adeshina, i am in my late fifties, and i would like very much to meet a good woman in my age group. it is very hard to connect with a good woman for many us very serious, down to earth good men, who would know how to treat a woman very well. when you get to be my age loneliness is a serious thing, and nobody should have to be alone unless they choose to be. most of my friends are settled down with their own life, and they certainly were very lucky to find the love of their life. my aunt and uncle are starting their 65th year together, and that just shows us how much different it was years ago. i certainly hope with God’s blessing, i will be able to find true love again. PEACE.

  28. i have been praying for life partner for some years but till now confuse , who the right person ?. made some approached to some girls with prayer thinking the right persons but surprising they rejected bluntly. some even stop talking then who were friends before. on other hand parents are giving strong pressure to settle soon. still confuse and in dilemma….

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