10 Signs a Woman is Not Ready To Commit

Okay, ladies, I’m sorry to have to do this to you – but, I have to expose those among us who are dating guys with whom we have no intention of committing.  And not just any guys, but guys that actually want to be in a committed relationship with us.  They call us, they take us out, they are devoted, sweet and kind.  And what do they get in return from us? Games, drama and inconsistency.  Now, I don’t believe that means most of us – I admit I am a bit biased, but I truly believe that most women want to be with a man who is ready for commitment.  But, for those among us who don’t, this list is for the men in their lives. 

Fellows – following are ten signs that the woman you are dating is not ready to commit to you:

1. She Spends More Time With Her Girlfriends Than With You

Like most women, I enjoy spending time with my girlfriends.  They are fun, they like to talk as much as I do and I get to watch girly movies to my heart’s content (try dragging a guy to see ‘Something New’).  But as much as I like hanging with my girls, there’s something I usually enjoy just as much, if not more:  Hanging out with my man.  I love seeing him, talking to him, just chilling out, holding hands or whatever.  It brings me happiness.  It makes me feel content.  And it builds the bond of our relationship.  So, guys, if you find that the woman you are dating seems to enjoy hanging out with her girlfriends way more than she enjoys hanging out with you, it’s your first good sign that she is not ready to commit to you.

2. She Doesn’t Return Your Phone Calls

Now most women complain that their men don’t call them enough.  They complain that they are forced to wait by the phone for their men to return their calls, their men fail to call when they are going to be late or that they don’t call just to ‘talk’.  So for a woman not to call you back?  That is beyond odd.  It is abnormal.  And it’s impolite.  And most women, even if they’re not interested in you, will at least call you back.  If a woman is not returning your phone calls, it is a very clear sign that she is not really interested in you.  Maybe there’s another man or maybe she just has other things on her mind, but you are not a priority.

 3. She Shows Up Late For Dates

Okay, so you’ve met a young lady you like.  You’ve taken her out a few times.  And you feel she is just as interested in you as you are in her.  You just have one problem – she’s always showing up late for for your dates together.  Sometimes she calls when she’s going to be late, sometimes she doesn’t.  She only shows consistency in the amount of time it takes her to arrive at your house, get ready when you get to her house or the time it takes her to meet you some place.  What should this say to you?  That either a) she is so self-centered that she thinks the world revolves around her (in which case you probably wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with her anyway) or (more likely) b) she doesn’t care very much about your feelings.  And a woman who can’t even show up to meet you on time is clearly telling you she can’t be dependable in other areas (like being faithful, being loyal, etc.).  And do you really want to be a someone like that?

4. She is Vague & Non-Committal About Her Feelings

This is a trait both uncommitted men and women share – when asked how they feel about you (and the relationship), they can never quite answer the question. They are vague (‘I like you’ or ‘I think you’re okay‘ and definitely beware of ‘You seem like a really nice guy’) and non-committal (‘Why don’t we just see how things go’ or, my favorite, ‘Let’s just play it by ear’).  And this is particularly egregious in the case of women because women love to talk. Especially about our feelings.  We talk to our girlfriends, our co-workers, our moms and our sisters all the time about our feelings! About everything from how we feel about the new latte at Starbucks, to how we feel about the war in Iraq to how we feel about the weather.  In fact, 90% of our conversations are probably about how we feel?  Yet the woman you are dating can’t share her feelings with you?  That is totally bogus.  Trust me when I tell you – she is not with you for the long haul.  

5. She Spends All Her Time at Church

Hey, I can’t fault a sister for wanting to devote her time to the Lord.  And church can be supremely busy, between choir rehearsal, usher board meeting, belonging to the new building committee and trying to do Sunday worship, Wednesday Bible Study plus the Friday Night ‘Refresher’.  This is a sister to be admired.  This is a sister to be respected in her devotion to the things of God.  This is not, however, a sister who is ready to be in a committed relationship with you.  No harm, no foul – but when she is ready (spiritually and emotionally), she will make time for a special man in her life.  Until that time, she is best left alone (or just treated as a good friend).

6. School/Career is Her #1 Priority

There comes a time in every person’s life when you realize it’s time to get yourself together.  It’s time to start school or go back.  It’s time to switch careers or put some new energy into climbing that corporate ladder at your current job.  You realize you need a bigger house.  You realize you need to move out of your parent’s home.  You realize you want to travel the world (and need some money to do it).  You’re tired of traveling through Europe and are ready to grow up.  Whatever the case may be, you (finally) decide to focus all your energies and pursue your goals for success.  And, usually, that means it becomes the most important thing in your life.  Guys – if the woman you are dating are at that point, you simply have to accept that that’s where her head is.  She needs to focus her energies to make her first million, write her first book, get her PH.D. or whatever.  But she needs you to understand that is where her time, attention and energy will be devoted.  And it probably means she is not in a position to give you the attention you deserve in a committed relationship.  But it’s okay.  Support her, love her, whatever, but know that the relationship with you will probably  not progress until she reaches at least some of her goals.  Patience (in this case) may be a virtue – waiting her out might just be the ticket for you.  But that’s a decision you have to make for yourself.

7. She Has Too Many Ex’es Around

Yes, ladies, I said it.  I know you spent all that time explaining to your guy how you and Gary used to date, but now that he’s married with kids, you guys are ‘just friends’.  And I know you’ve explained to him that having ex-boyfriends in your life don’t mean anything.  That the romance is over and you have now settled into a mature, life-affirming, God-fearing, spirit-led relationships with them.  And I know it is something you would like him to believe, but we all really know the truth:  many times having ex-boyfriends in our lives just serves as a crutch for our new relationships.  A possibility.  A back-up in times of trouble.  It ain’t pretty and it ain’t cute, but many times it’s true.  Not all the time, but many times.  But, any time a woman has a lot of men in her life (particularly ex-boyfriends) it is not a sign that says she is really ready to begin a new phase in her life with a brand new man.  What it is probably saying is that she is content right where she is - in her comfort zone.  And whether the relationship with you works out or not, she will be just fine.  After all, when you don’t act right, she can just call Robert, John or Peter anyway.  They understand her just fine.  And they are more than willing to give her a shoulder to cry on – or whatever else she might require.  I’m just telling the truth….

8. She Constantly Talks About Her Past Relationships

Can you say ‘it’s over’?  Well, apparently she can’t.  She talks so often about how Mark mistreated her by cheating on her with other women, you are starting to feel like it was you who had been betrayed.  And if she’s not talking about just one guy, she talks randomly about multiple men she has dated.  You are starting to feel like you are just one more person in a whole long line of failed relationships.  And you know what?  You probably are.  If you are dating a woman who cannot seem to realize that she has met a brand new guy who deserves a brand new chance, she is not even remotely ready to be in a serious relationship with you.  Make your exit quickly – at least so that when she does talk about you, she won’t have so much to go on and on about to her new guy.

9.She Constantly Puts Men Down

Even worse than a woman who constantly talks about her past relationships (and how they did her wrong) is one who thinks all men are bad – period.  They are all dogs, they are all unfaithful, they are all liars, they are all abusive, they are all – you fill in the blanks.  Nothing you say can change her mind and no good deed on your part will ever be enough.  This woman is far, far gone and only an act of God can bring her back.  Be nice, be sweet, and be on your way.

10. She Is Only Interested in What You Can Give Her

You ever notice that you can only see your girl over a fancy dinner?  Or how she calls you right around the time a new movie comes out or a good tour is in your city?  Here’s the truth – she’s using you.  She sees you as a source of food, movie or concert tickets.  Or, even worse, as a rent check, a down payment for a car or a good-looking man to be on her arm.  She is very interested in what you have.  She is not interested, however, in you. It’s a cold thing to realize, but you’re better off in the long run if you admit it to yourself now:  your girlfriend is a gold-digger.  See – there you’ve said it.  You are free to go or free to stay, but at least you know the truth.  I hope you decide to go…

So those are the top 10 signs that a woman is not ready to commit to you.  Feel free to comment and let me know about any other signs I might have missed.  And, ladies – if you see yourself on this list, it’s never too late to change your ways!  It’s okay to play games – sometimes – but not with another person’s heart.  As the Bible says – treat other people the way you would like to be treated.  And that should always be your guide.

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38 responses to “10 Signs a Woman is Not Ready To Commit

  1. This was very interesting to read (and quite accurate!) – but I couldn’t help but wonder at the lack of comments. Then I realised that women reading this forum are perhaps the ones who are ACTIVELY SEEKING a husband and most of the activities described above are foreign to them?

    I’ve seen several of my friends exhibit this type of behaviour, however. ;) The worst is one who agrees to ‘date for a while’ and tells the guy up front it’s never going to go anywhere. Of course the poor guy thinks he’ll be the one to change her.

    Regarding spending all of her time at church – is this such a bad thing? Perhaps the guy should be spending time WITH HER at church. Building the kingdom together with the focus on God – it sounds like an ideal basis for a marriage to me.

    I recently turned down a date because I was going to a (regular) evening service and I felt good about it. I wanted the guy to know that God comes first and if he wants to take this journey with me, we will worship God together.

  2. Yup. I fell in love with one of these women… I still love her beyond belief. She dumped me, then came back to me… Asked me to lend her $1000 once to pay her rent. Because I love her so, I gave it to her without hesitation. She truly could not appreciate it. Not down deep where I soooo want her to LOVE me. Was I asking so very much??? She dumped me CHRISTMAS DAY for her former “lover”. I mourned for weeks, then signed up on a couple of dating sites — and found several somebodys new!!! One of them loves me SOOO MUCH, and treats me better than any other woman has ever in my life! I am trying to recognize my good fortune and move on and be what this new woman wants me to be, but I still love My Mary. I knew what she was after the second time she dumped me but I hoped that, with the infinite love and care I had for her (but limited supply of $$) I could melt her heart. Something about her motivated me to be more romantic than I’ve ever been before. I played ‘cupid’ for her in the Airport in Denver once, …She allowed me to spend Thanksgiving with her and her grandkids. I loved her grandkids… Now I have to get used to a whole new bunch of kids with my new woman. My new woman doesn’t deserve the difficulty i’m having in committing to her, but I didn’t deserve not to be trusted or loved by my crazy redhead, either. She seemed to have a high-school girl’s value system regarding people. I could understand that up to a point, because her mother died when she was 5 years old, which can contribute significantly to attachment disorder. In retrospect, I believe she still loves me for the depth of effort and sincerity I invested in the relationship, because she hurt me in particularly cruel ways. I hope that some day she realized what she had… “You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.”
    Never got to play Scrabble with her. :(

  3. another sign is She doesnt introduce you to her friends as a boyfriend.

    • That is What am going through, I currently date a girl who will never introduce me to her friends as her boyfriend. Even when I tried to make her introduce me to her parent, she would never do, always telling me that their is time for everything , and we have dated for more than two years, I talk to my friends and family about her, but it is not the same thing on my side, whenever I tried to move on she would cry and make me fill guilty and then I will forgive her and bring her back. She basically depends on me for everything and I try to give her but I don’t know where I went wrong, as at now I think she is stalk with me because she cannot find the man of her dreams, and she thinks because I sleep with her that I have taking her most prized possession and therefore am stalk with her until she finds that man. Who loses at last? Me , because I am investing a relationship that has no future. But surprisingly I have not be too attached to her because of all these red signs I see. I just feel sorry for her because if I take a leave now , she would probably have a hard time getting it together

  4. Hey my name is Adam, I dated this unbelievable girl during the summer of 2006 and it was an incredible 3 months. Im a softmore in college and she was going in as a freshman. During these 3 months, this girl truly(and I believe to this day) thought I was the best guy she had ever dated. I was the most incredible in bed, best looking guy she’d ever dated, treated her the best, and Im a lifeguard which she totally adoured. According to her and her friends and parents, I’m mister incredible. This girl is 19 and I knew her through a friend for a while and always new there was something about her that I just couldnt get over. We started dating and right away I knew it was meant to be,or I guess I thought it was. She was friends with all of her ex-boyfriends but according to her and her friends once again,she had nothing left for them because they all cheated on her. Know I know that she was just going into college thats about 2 hours from me, but how could any sane person give up what she thought was mister incredible. Now she wants to remain great friends but damn is that hard. Ive found out that she is obsessed with attention and had some major anxiety probs. as a kid. Im still madly in love with her but GOD am I hurt!!!! Any advice would be so incredibly appreciated. Mail me at Motoxed17@aol.com!!! Thanks bros,
    P.S Never give everything youve got untill you have no dought in your mind that shes done the same!!!!

  5. Whoop whoop!!! Holla at your gyrl, I’m on point with #6 – now all that other stuff is messed up! LOL

  6. These are classics, my girl got cold feet after returning from a trip from California visitin her parents. We had spoken earlier about commited relationships and how we felt about each other. The low and behold during a return from a long trip she dropped a bomb on me and said we should not be exclusive and date other people but we still each other, go out on dates, hug and kiss. She says she is going through mid life crisis and really hasn’t dated in 5 – 6 years. The funny part is she approached at a friends picnic, gave me all of her personal info and up until now she was very happy that were we were moving very slowly. I love this women very dearly, do I let her go?

  7. As much as it will hurt to do, you HAVE to leave her alone. When your inside that relationship box, its hard to see the obvious.

    She clearly thinks that she might be settling if she were to be with you. By dating other people and not being exclusive, she simply wants to see if she’ll find better than you…and if not, return things back to normal.

    F— no man! The hell with that! As a man myself, nobody deserves. I consider myself, one of the few good guys left, but I’m not a sucker anymore. Her logic makes no sense. You can’t win in this situation either.

    Her [having sex with] other men will drive you insane. Its obvious she’s the only girl you care for and since it wasn’t your idea, you prolly won’t fuck other women.

    My take, leave her alone and one up on her while you do it.

    She knows your a great guy. Otherwise, she would’ve wanted to be seperated from you completely while she did whatever with other guys.

    In the calmest way, tell her: Me and you are threw. I will find someone who knows my worth. Someday you’ll realize how much you lost.

    And that’s it. No discussion or contact with her EVER.
    ————————————–
    I love your enthusiasm and your response, but I’m not a big fan of profanity :)

    God Bless.

    Sonya

  8. yeah thanks for the help , now im gunna dump the woman since shes everything in those things above. thanks for giving us an insight =]

  9. Thanks you have opened my eyes to what I should already know about the current girl I’m seeing I knew it but I was denying it! She fars under a couple of these numbers and situations!

    Okay it’s time to get rid of this blood sucker and head wreaker once and for all!

  10. My Turn. I am a Single Dad of 5 Kids. Ages 9-22 I’ve been raising them on my own since my wife died from cancer 11 years ago. Shortly after she died I met a young girl who I became involved with while still in much grief. It was a disaster!! After 2 years and and much verbal and psychological abuse the gold digger finally left me alone. For the next 6 years I did not date. I focused on my kids and my walk with Christ. Two years ago I went with a friend to drop something off at a girl friend of his house. We went in and I met her sister. We immediately hit it off. We became very good friends and continued to be friends for the past 2 years. She is a Christian yet has been through a divorce and in her words was not at her best spiritually when I met her. I agreed and even though I felt there was some serious chemistry I was not willing to pursue a serious relationship until she was consistent in attending church and until she was ready to commit to a one to one relationship. You see over last the 2 years she has dated several other ” loosers” . You know the guys that are 30 something , no job or stability, no home, maybe a car, like to party at your expense and are always just about to do something really great with their lives! Right . I know you ladies know what I mean at least half of you have a boyfriend like that or are upset because he is off ” working” for the last three days and is so busy or his battery died on his cell that be can’t call you or answer your calls.( guess what he isn’t working he is most likely with another girl or doing things you don’t approve of) Don’t worry he’ll be back as long as you are providing free room and board. But gee his boss didn’t pay him again? So a couple of weeks ago I was minding my own business and had pretty much decided she was never going to be serious and as much as I love her and enjoy her company as a friend and as much as I wished we could be more I had told her I was going to need to pull away and move on. I had grown to love her and wanted more but she was not ready. So about 2 weeks went by and she called and asked to see me. Sat down looked me straight in the eyes and told me I was the man of her of her dreams. She always wanted to fall in love with and marry her best friend and that she had. That she was foolish for dating such loosers when a God fearing man that has raised 5 kids alone ( Oldest about to graduate from TX Tech, and a 17 year old who is starting his freshman year at Notre Dame on a full academic scholarship, other three A- B+ students all very happy well adjusted kids.) sorry had to brag a little., loves me and want to at least try dating me in a serious way. She said she should have done this along time ago and “I want you to know it time for me to step up to the plate and be the kind of woman you deserve. ” I ‘m going home to tell the jerk I’m seeing to get lost and I will see you tomorrow to start helping you get organized at home. That was two weeks ago. I’m still waiting ( not really) but I would be if she had it her way. You see some how she got a little delayed in telling the jerk to leave and when she called ( notice I d id not call her) I did ask her what was going on and she flipped out saying I was ” pressuring her” I had many people tell me but I too did not see the obvious. Now not only have I lost what I thought was a potential girl friend I have lost a very close friend. This last stunt just hurt too much and I doubt I could ever believe or trust her. Where are the Godly women? I am about to agree with Paul and think its better not too marry. However, I have this testosterone thing going on so I continue to hope! 11 years waiting.

  11. ..it getz worst if you actually marry somebody like that! I did. Christian, spirit filled and all. Ain’t married no more. Severely damaged by all that. think I’ll stay single for awhile.

  12. David —
    I feel you, man. Right on! and congratulations on your family. If I were a drinking man I’d raise a glass w/you.

    c.f my comment above, and having been through a painful marrige/divorce, this “dating” scene is a contemporary wasteland. Celibicy really is a gift. No, I don’t have it either.

  13. WoW! This explains why I am not going anywhere with this girl I know.

    Guess if someone has 7 out of 10 of the above traits there could be an indication they are not appreciativeor interested in you.

    One would think if someone is a really good christian they would be truthful and straightforward with you and not there for the hand out.

    Guess people are people religous or not.

  14. I’ve been divorced twice, the first divorce was my fault in 2004 and the second was a little bit of both and I guess I reaped what I sowed in 2002. I recieved Christ just before the end of the second marriage and God blessed me with custody of 6 kids, 3 from the first and 3 from the second. When I was separated from my second wife I had too many kids too think about another woman so I decided to stay single and wait on God. I told God, I was searching after His Own Heart and I wanted every gift He had. On labor Day 2000 God showed me the woman that taught me the difference between religion (church folk) and God or shall I say “the flesh and the Spirit.

  15. Been in love with this one man for four years, and everysince we met in 2005; every 3months or 3weeks he disappears. Amazin when we talk we thoroughly enjoy each other. We have dynamic chemistry. But he acts like nothing has occurred after he disappearances with no reason whatsover. Iam left to believe everything is wonderful before he disappears. ANd when he emerges its always, “I love you baby I know your my wife. I love you so much there is no one else for me, but you. I know its God’s will for us to be together. I know I have been disobedient in not marrying you, I know I cannot fulfill my destiny in life without you”. This holiday season, he visited from out of state. We had a wonderful time, he sang to me on mall downtown in public, we went shopping, he catered to me, took me out to eat everynight, we share secrets, talked for hours and hours. I introduced him to my pastor, he has always know my children. We spent time with each others children the whole 9. But its been 19 days since I spoke with him, and the last we talked he wanted to know type of wedding ring I wanted, did I check on the wedding license. Promised my child he was going to marry me, on, and on. I have tried to communicate with him, but to no avail. We have been dealing with this for four years. I asked was he DL, He said absolutely no, married, but I met his ex. Promise to send weekly monetary support. Its hard when you really love the person. They give you just enough to believe and keep holding on. I am a person who believes in family, faith, and committment. But I have given up on relationships and loving someone. How many times can one really fall in love, and how many times can you give your heart to someone. I have always believed in men, that they deserve our respect, admiration, support, faithfulness, our sense of humor; but I gave all of that, to someone who said they desired the same. He begged me to trust him one more time, “forget the past-believe in the destiny of future” I did, and he disappeared again….

  16. 2. her phone may not work sometimes, atnt
    3. she is not punctual
    8.She Constantly Talks About Her Past Relationships regretting?

  17. This is really interesting, i have something and hopefully someone has something to help me figure out. I just split from my wife about 2 months ago i have 2 boys 2-4 that i love with all my heart.. during my relationship with the mother of my boys.she worked from 9-5 and i was off by 2 my rutine was pick up the boys feed them clean the house then by the time she was home everything was set and done. so she will get home and eat watch tv then hit night time and she will go to sleep. that was my rutine for about a year and a half so finally everythin came down n i ended up leaving. then i felt so alive after. just taking care of my boys having good times then i meet a girl i college we started hangging out for these past weeks we connected very well, so when we started seeing eachother i wanted to start fresh so i told her my situation andpretty much everything about my life just to get it out there and so there is no surpricess. But in the other hand shes been honest but i really dont get that vibe that she is actually been honest. a couple weeks ago she told me i enjoy my single life very much and so on and so on. then a week ago she told me that she was ready for a commitment and i’ve been in relationships before and you can really tell when someone is ready becasue thisngs change when you are ready but am having a hard time biliving that she is ready because of her actions. An i really dont want to set my self up for failure. She enjoys night life and goes out with her friends on the weekend but she has never invited me so do you think she is ready or just bluffing. See i dont have an agenda she know what i do becasue its just natural for me to say am gonna be here today you want to go. but on her side i dont really know what agenda she has. its gonna be her b-day on saturday. i have not planned anything becasue her friend told me that she wanted to go out and have funn n the weird part is tha she has not told me anything about it. so what do you think?

  18. I was divorced two years ago and am still in tremendous pain. The grief is constant. I do believe what the Word says that He has good plans for us to give us hope and a good future. His Word is true. But for me the pain is so great. I don’t date and haven’t even seen a man whom I find attractive. Can someone talk to me, please. I don’t have family and feel terribly alone.

    • I hear you Clara, am going through the exact same thing. Keep praying, try new things, meet new people but don’t give up. I am living by Ephesians 3,20 – try it.

      Stay blessed….

  19. Clara- Hang in there… Hang in there… hang in there…. This too will pass.Keep seeking His ways and read the word. Don’t stop.:)
    It will get better.
    flo

  20. Wanting to be with someone is a tough spot to be in, especially when you know you can’t settle for someone that is not the same place you are. It’s amazing that there are so many of us who desire to be with someone, and are unattached.

  21. not being a christian myself .. i have just broken up with a christian girl who showed 1-4 of these examples to me of being non committal. her selfish ways will bring her to her own end and i will no longer be bothered to try to have a committed relationship as i feel most women and all that i have been with have shown 1-4 of these traits…its a no win situation when you bring these points up with them as they dont even know they are treating you this way guys

  22. Ok so I have just been pondering through countless sites trying to find someone else in this world that may have advice for me.. And this has really helped in my thoughts!

    I mean I have been in many relationships that I thought were right and let them go
    to figure themselves out and have come to realize that in this day and age women just always seem to go out and make that mastake that keeps things changed , you know! I mean I still take to couple of my ex’s as a friend and help them through problems they in now and they regret the decisions they made!

    Now I’m in a serious relationship that is on edge with I can honestly say, someone I truelly love! I have lacked alot of things in life and the main thing to me was a family! I never truelly had one and that’s all I want I devote everything to a happy family for the girl I’m with now- we had a child and were engaged and now I honestly don’t know where that stand bc she is having alot of problems that you have listed! What am I to do? Let her go n see if she misses me? I mean to me that is alot of CHaNCE that I’m scared to take because that could ruin every chance for my family, rather thn fighting through it and showing her I won’t give up on my family!

    What are your thoughts, I would really apprieciate any advice you may be willing to share with me!

    Please email me and let me know if you don’t mind! Thank you for everything!
    *mikey*

  23. Something was wrong with this woman I was seeing, and then I realized that #4 fully explained the reason for it. I am now calling it quits with her.

    I still hold my head up high that I will one day meet the right person, but to be honest, the quality of the females out there today is getting worse and worse all the time. Most fall into 2 categories: the gold diggers, and the ones that belong to the “all men are evil” club. My favorite from this latter group are the ones who exclaim that “men are just looking to get laid”.

    I still go out there, however, and hope for the best.

  24. Hmm? Well I broke up with my boyfriend this morning. A fairly sizable chunk of the above applies to me. Having said that, I’d do anything to find contentment. Wouldn’t it be great if you could inject contentment?

    I finished the relationship because I’m looking for something more and I don’t know what that is? I’m realistic so I’m not asking to be with perfection but somethings lacking in the previous relationships I’ve had.

    First relationship I had stemmed from childhood really. I was 12 years old, grew up together. On and off until the age of well, now, 25. Finally nailed the feelings on the head now though and can most certainly say that I’m in control of the situation. Loved the guy to death and tried to be the best girlfriend possible. Trouble was that he just wouldn’t fight for me. He’d repeatedly cock up- realize he’d been a prat & then I’d chase him!! 2 months later he’d be devastated so I’d give it another go. He’s a coward and was scared that it wouldn’t work out. Parents separated, he never knew his dad. Says now that he just never felt good enough to be with me, people said he wasn’t in my league but I loved him, didn’t care what anyone else thought. Anyway he’s still chasing me but too little too late.

    Since then I had a a string of nice guys. Then met one in particular that I REALLY liked. Broke up this morning. Can’t get my head around it. I really really like him BUT ‘somethings’ lacking!!

    I just want to get it right!! This is a partner that you would spend everyday with for the rest of your life. I don’t think it’s something that should be taken lightly! He’s brilliant but not for me. Many of the above relate to the way I treated him but when I said I want to PLAY IT BY EAR, I was telling the truth!

    The point I am making is that I would never intentionally hurt anyone. I’m a good, honest person and I can’t grow feelings for someone if they simply aren’t there. Sometimes you need to give it a shot to figure out if it’s what you want or not. I think what you’ve written above is very black and white and extremely unfair.

  25. @ Tara

    After having read your response, I truly respect your honesty and sincerity. On the other hand, I think you may be feeling a bit guilty, because a great chunk of the aforementioned does apply to you.

    I read the article a few times, in its entirety, and found nothing overtly judgemental about it. I completely agree that doing these things doesn’t necessarily make you, or any other woman, a bad person. I took the article to be a kind of heads-up to the fellas, who could potentially be on the receiving end of this madness ;-)

    Intentional or not, this type of behavior should not be accepted, by anyone (male or female.) I can attest to having done/said some of the same things to women, which are listed above. I can now admit that I was the one being jacked-up, whether or not I actually meant to be. I realize that my actions, or lack thereof, really hurt them. It became clear as a bell once it happened to me… Lol

    So, you two weren’t on the same page… That’s no one’s fault…, but to say you “REALLY” liked someone, yet you decided to “PLAY IT BY EAR,” but it didn’t work out, because “SOMETHING WAS LACKING,” so you “BROKE UP,” yet you “WOULD NEVER INTENTIONALLY HURT ANYONE,” does not make your actions exempt from being the instrument of the demise of his feelings. In fact, it reinforces the lack of priority you seemed to have put on him. The author clearly mentions this.

    Bottom line Tara, you weren’t nearly as into him as you’re allowing yourself to believe you were. Again… It doesn’t make you a bad person. However, I would like to encourage you to take some responsibility. Remember, this is coming from someone who has dished out the nonsense, himself.

    With Respect,

    ~B

  26. Sadly I have been in so many of those relationships. There was one girl, which I will not disclose the name. I had known her for what seemed to be forever. 8 years minimum. From there, she wanted time to herself. Every so often she wanted to spend time with her friends, I allowed that. No reason to fret over her having friends. But then the final part shown up and I was devastated. She was helping her mother move, and I had to leave town due to my job. When she couldn’t get help from me, she turned to an ex boyfriend of hers. She ended up spending all day with him. And the next day he was in some sort of rehab program. She attended that with him as well. I hadn’t so much as received a text message from her all day. It was apparent that something had happened but I let it slide because I loved her so much. She took me in and there was a warmth that made even the coldest of emotions fade away. That day they made out, the next day they had sex. I never stood a chance. When she told me she was feeling conflicted, she tried to be vague, after I pressed the issue it came out. I told her I needed time to think, a few hours later I spoke with her and told her that I was fine, just to not do it again or it would mean the end of us. Turns out during those hours she was spending time with him. Funny how she was spending time with him, and all of her friends, and not me. That was four years ago…

    Now I feel less than nothing. I am hollow, inside and out. She destroyed my life, ripped apart my future with a smile. Tell me what am I supposed to do from here, I have tried moving on, but whenever I do experience emotions it is always pain. I am half tempted to let it all go and be hollow forever more. Please leave me some sort of feedback I am very interested on what I am to do next.

  27. Hi there, i read all of what you had to say and can relate! I fell in love with who i though was the most beautiful woman that god put on this earth. Things started very fast between us and i know now that was a mistake! I needed to get to know her better before getting my heart so involved. I was in a marriage for 30 years. Don’t have a bad thing to say about her. There jjust wasn’t the type of love in it that was good for either of us. This other woman was so beautiful, told me i was so good to her etc etc. BIG RED FLAG! She never really told me that i was special to her. When i asked her how she felt about me she said, what do i need to say to make you feel good in this relationship? RED FLAG 2! Then came all the ex boyfriends that did her wrong, even he two ex husbands who did her wrong. Pictures of an ex and her on her mantle about 9. I asked her why she still had them up and she said oh, it doesnt mean anything, i only keep them up because it was tihe hobby that they did together and won awards for them. RED FLAG 3! Alaways talking about x boy friends, ALOT OF THEM! RED FLAGS 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, etc! At first she said how alike we were which drew me in but in time, i knew i was not in a relationship with her. I was in a relationship with her, her father and at least 5 ex boyfriends. That’s not a relationship i would wish on anyone! I was in love who i thought she was at the start of our relationship not her. Men for her are to be used like toilet paper for her own pleasure. GUY’S, if you get involved with a woman like this, RUN LIKE HELL BEFOR SHE DESTROY’S YOUR SOUL! I could go on forever but i thin you get the idea. THANKS FOR READING AND GOD BLESS. . .

  28. Wow everyone! .! Happy Thanksgiving! . :) :) :)
    Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, and every year I like to get into the mood-extend the holiday, since it were-by reading “Thanksgiving novels.” Unsurprisingly, most of these stories are mostly about family, about coming together to heal old hurts and showing thanks for the gift of love. . .. ”
    Do You Think You’re Better Off Today Than You Were 10 Yrs Ago?

  29. It was so nice reading all the comments. Personally I have this guy who I work with and seems so into me, the only problem is that he doesnt take me out anymore he prefers me spending time with him at home and doesnt approve of my going out with friends. then two weeks he called and asked what time it was, and indeed it was late but I was held up somewhere and he didnt want to hear of that, and I told him, I would call him later and when I called him in the night he refused to pick my phone calls and return it for that matter. And when Iam with him I have this lovely feeling, but when his apart I just loose all the feelings I have for him..So what can I do? I was thinking of breaking up with him.

  30. Let’s face it, women aren’t allowed to express any feelings of commitment or emotions in relationships. It’s usually the man’s job to do the talking.

    • My ex liked whenever I told him how I felt about him. I stayed guarded for so long that when I finally started telling him things like how I miss him and I like him and such, he was very glad to hear it!

      Many guys need that reassurance. The key is all in the timing. Feelings of commitment or emotions shouldn’t be expressed to quickly in a relationship. It will just scare the guy away. Even being a woman, I have been scared away from guys who became to clingy/deep, too quickly. It’s unattractive because it looks ingenuine and desperate, even if that’s not the case. In my instance, it also made me think they were in some hurry.

      Guys enjoy the ‘chase.’ Why not give them a little race for a while? :)

  31. I have been guilty of #4 on the list before, but only because I guard my heart and emotions for a while versus flirting right off the bat and acting ‘swept away’. Even if I feel love at first sight, I contain my feelings and just be good friends first.

    It seems like the trend these days is to dive into a relationship fast and hard, before you even TRULY realize how you feel about the person. Then, by the time you figure out you don’t really like him, or he has annoying tendencies you can’t deal with, or whatever, you’ve led him on. Well let me tell you from personal experience, it sucks to be the person being led on.

    On the other end of the rope, you chance losing the person’s interest if you don’t act interested enough in them. It’s a hard line to draw.

  32. But if a woman doesn’t want to commit, she could face verbal and physical abuse in her relationship. It happens to women who don’t commit. Plus, they get raped, kidnapped, sold into prostitution, etc. It’s dangerous.

    • This is actually very amusing to me. LR, why will a woman who does not want to commit endure verbal and physical abuse in her relationship? how does that even correlate with a woman’s relationship preference? and if she doesn’t commit, why would she be in a relationship period? especially an abusive one and what is up with all this rape, kidnapping sold into prostitution bogus? So a woman has more important things in her life than a relationship so she’s going to get raped, kidnapped and sold into prostitution??

  33. many women of today, do not want to COMMIT at all, and have a NEED to just date as many men as they possibly can. GOD FORBID, if they just knew how to just stay with ONLY ONE MAN.

  34. women have definitely changed for the worse these days. they are so very hard to talk too, and have such a very bad attitude problem as well. many of them do certainly cheat much more than many men do, and just can’t stay committed like the women did years ago. since many women make much more money than many of us men do, they now think that they are all that. so meeting a good woman nowadays is a challenge.

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