Should You Marry a Man Who Still Lives At Home?

A recent conversation with a good friend of mine (whose adult son still lives at home) brought this question to my mind:  Should you marry a man who still lives at home (with mom and/or dad)?

 A lot of Christians will tell you that a man is supposed to get a job, have a home and be prepared to take care of his wife and future children prior to getting married.  That a man should at least be self-supporting, before he should even consider supporting a mate (and a few will add that he should be college-educated, established in his career and driving a nice car).  Not because the Bible tells us this is true - but because conventional wisdom does.  So what does the Bible say about it? 

Surprisingly - not a whole lot.  The Bible is filled with wisdom for a man who is a husband - how to treat his wife, the role of a husband in a marriage,  and the role of a husband who holds church office.  But not one scripture I've seen directly addresses the money-making capabilities or responsibilities of a potential husband.

So where does that leave us?  Would it be okay to marry a man who does not have a job, a vocation, is not in school and/or still lives at home?

In the absence of direct Biblical direction, let us instead look at the original purpose of marriage.  And what better place to start than the story of Adam and Eve (Genesis 1-5)?

  According to the Bible, God first created Adam and then created Eve (some argue they were created at the same time, but you should read the scriptures yourself to see what you believe).  After Adam's creation, the Bible tells us God created Eve because it was not good 'that the man should be alone' - and Adam needed help.  So God created one who was perfect in every way for him - a woman, whom Adam named Eve.  So there were two purposes of mariage fulfilled at that time - to provide companionship for Adam and to give him a helping partner.  After creating Adam and Eve, God then enjoined them to 'be fruitful and multiply'.  So, another purpose of marriage was to procreate.  But, before all this - God gave Adam a job - to name the animals, to tend to the garden and to watch over the two trees that were forbidden to them (of knowledge and eternal life).  Adam had a job;.  After Eve had been created, God further stated that 'Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife:  and they shall be one flesh'.  And there, I believe, lay the keys to the man's responsibility in a marriage.

God intended for a man to leave his mother and father and begin a new life with his wife.  And, Adam had a job before Eve was ever created.  So what does this tell us?  That a man should be prepared to start a new life with his wife and that he should be gainfully employed before doing so.  So, in looking at this evidence, we can see that this does not necessarily exclude a man who still lives at home with his parents, with the caveat that he has a job.

I can only say, in closing, that although I don't think it is Biblically or societally incorrect to marry or date a man who still lives at home, you seriously need to consider the maturity and responsibility of such a man.  Most adults who come of age willingly leave the nest, to return only out of financial need (on a temporary basis).  Therefore you need to ask yourself - why is this man still living at home?  Is he in school?  Did he just graduate from college?  is he helping his parents in any way - or are they helping to support him?  And, most importantly - does he have any plans to leave? 

I personally do not believe that a man can come fully into a knowledge of his own identity under the protective influence of mom and dad.  And that it would be a mistake to overlook a potential red flag about the man you intend to marry.  After asking yourself the above questions, my only advice to you is that you should trust your instinct, pray diligently about the matter and trust God to lead you on the right path.