What attributes should you look for in a Christian mate? Following is a handy checklist of relevant scriptures that you should keep in mind as you search for your Christian soulmate:
1. He should be willing to put your relationship before all others:
Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to (to cling, stick, stay close, cleave, keep close, stick to, stick with, follow closely, join to, overtake, catch) his wife, and they will become one flesh.
2. He should be a good leader:
Ephesians 5:23
For the husband is the head (metaphor, anything supreme, chief, prominent of persons, master lord: of a husband in relation to his wife of Christ: the Lord of the husband and of the Church of things: the corner stone) of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
3. He should love you as much as he loves himself and be willing to give himself for you:
Ephesians 5
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church. Next: Characteristics of a Christian Wife
38 responses so far ↓
Emily // June 25, 2006 at 9:05 pm |
My dear husband won’t talk of his faith at all; says it’s too personal. So I don’t know what he is thinking.He is smart and faithful and loves the Lord; tends to be judgmental of people. I am anxious that he fill the three requirements of a true Christian (I John 5:1-2). So far he names Jesus Christ as Son of God, but as for love of mankind, I don’t see it that much, and he never opens the Bible to see what Christ expects of him.
michelle // July 11, 2006 at 12:03 pm |
Wow, I see I am not the only one married to a man like that
Vanessa // July 19, 2006 at 1:32 am |
My boyfriend is displaying some questionable attributes. Some days his faith is shakey, somedays he’s telling me, a devout christian, that I need some God time…it’s very very weird. He is planning on marrying me, but I’m not so sure more recently. I know it’s not his personality to become the spiritual leader of the household, and i need to talk to him about that. We’ve been together for a year and a half. I refuse to live in an unchristian marriage. You don’t play games with God like that.
Any suggestions?
Sonya C. Triggs // July 25, 2006 at 2:06 am |
Vanessa:
All I can ask is that you re-read what you have written above. You have named some very good reasons not to marry him, but not many why you should. What do you feel in your heart is the right decision? Can you accept your boyfriend wholely for the man that he is? Will you feel satisfied in the relationship with him if you two were married? You don’t seem to have much confidence that this relationship is the right one for you (judging by your own words). It’s okay to stay and it’s okay to leave – but it’s not okay is to settle. If you are convinced in your heart that where you are is the right place for you, then stay. But if you have any doubts about the relationship, explore them, try to figure out what you think. Talk to someone you trust about your fears. And make a decision that you can really, honestly and truly live with.
Benjamin // September 28, 2006 at 5:44 pm |
i wanted to ask if my girlfriend is an unbeliever, can i married with her someday?
sonya // September 29, 2006 at 1:12 pm |
Are you a believer? Have you prayed about your decision? The Bible definitely encourages us to marry other believers. That much is clear. But that doesn’t mean a marriage with an unbeliever is out of the question – it’s just not necessarily the best choice.
I would suggest that you diligently seek God’s guidance in this matter. Take this time of prayer as an opportunity to become closer to Him and open up your ’spiritual ears’ to be able to hear from Him more clearly. He definitely has something He wants to share with you regarding this matter and only He will know the answer to that question.
I will be praying that you hear God’s voice clearly in this very important matter.
Benjamin // September 29, 2006 at 3:58 pm |
i am a Believer. My girlfriend told me that he believe God is real. She go to church on chrismas time. But when i ask her to totally turn to God and became a believer, she always told me that she can’t let go of the ‘God’ that she worship right now. i pray very hard to God but i can heard anything. please help ok? i feel so happy that i would able to told you all my problems. thank you so much. i am glad that i am a christian. Praise the LORD!!!
Sonya C. Triggs // October 5, 2006 at 6:28 pm |
My best advice would be for you to leave the relationship alone then. Being married is hard enough without being with someone who does not believe in the same God that you do. God is the One who will make your covenant secure – He will undergird you, strengthen your faith in Him and make your relationship stronger. Without Him, you will have nothing.
A Wife // June 12, 2007 at 7:10 pm |
I do not boast in anything but the Lord; however, I will share a blessing that is being married to a Christian man. Almost everyday, I catch him reading the word of God alone. He washes me with scripture that he shares. He corrects me, with love, when I’m overly emotional and soulish. He puts me before anyone. No “boys’ nights out”, no criticism of me to his family, no time that isn’t spent in the best interest of his family or me. His “guy time” is spent serving in a men’s ministry or at a men’s retreat. He doesn’t minister other women unless I am there, or I give consent. He asks my opinion about all decisions. Almost always, we are “one” in our choice. One Spirit. He works hard and does the best with God’s gifts to him. Most importantly, he demonstrates strong faith, and loves that I am his “perfect help”. I thank God every day for my husband. He is not perfect, but he is exactly who God had planned for me. With that, how can I criticize? God knows exactly what He is doing! Follow His voice if you are dating. When my husband and I were dating, God practically SCREAMED at me, “MARRY HIM!” The enemy fought and tried to send me running, but God’s voice far overpowered the Lord’s. Praise be to the Most High. Oh, and one more thing. We are each others’ number 2’s. God is #1. Always. The only way it can work.
W // July 3, 2007 at 12:44 pm |
To A Wife
Thanks for the amazing sharing – it really touched my heart and provides me with some insight as to something I’ve been hesitant about. I do fully agree – the only way any relationship can work is when God is number one
Amen!
Can anyone please shed any light on what EXACTLY it means for a husband to be a leader? Does that mean making all decisions, or being proactive in thinking of ideas? Does that also mean that a husband always has to be the more ambitious of the two? Please share your thoughts.
Rachel // September 21, 2007 at 4:48 am |
I’m confused. My boyfriend grew up in a Christian home and is very involved in his church and truly loves God. He currently is taking almost full financial responsibility of his home at the age of 22. His mom, aunt, grandmother, and sister all live with him. The only person working is his sister. His two brothers moved out and do not help financially. My boyfriend states that I SHOULD be willing to live with him and his family if it came down to that if we get married. Your number one characteristic states that a man will leave his parents to be with his wife. Does that mean we should literally be living alone when we get married? My boyfriend states that if I am not willing to accept his situation, then I am not the one for him. I told him that things will work themselves out, maybe his brothers will start helping, maybe his mom or aunt will get a job. He just doesn’t want to marry someone who will complain about his situation I guess. He states he does not want to abandon his mom and fully accepts this responsibility God has given him. We decided to take one month apart from each other to pray and get counseling on our own and hopefully when we meet again we will have made a decision. We both love each other and this seems to be the biggest issue. Is this a good enough reason to decide to end a relationship?? I think I can deal living with his family, but Im always hopeful for a better situation. Any advice or comments??
Cat // October 10, 2007 at 11:32 pm |
My Boyfriend and I are engaged to be married in January and honestly I am really excited. I worry though that he will not be the best leader for me though. I tend to like things done straight away whereas he will put things off and forget about them or do them at the last minute, a trait that really bugs me. His relationship with God goes up and down, as do we all but i know he is committed to God. I’m not sure how much I should expect from him as a leader to me and what is ok for me to do in the relationship, how much i can take over. Does anyone have any suggestions about how i can encourage him to be a more of a leader to me? But even then i am confused about what is enough and what i should consider as not enough and look for someone else.
Bea // November 6, 2007 at 3:51 am |
Cat, my advise to you is prayer. Ask God to reveal the truth about this relationship. Pay attention to the warning signs God is giving you about this relationship. There are going to be tough times in marriage…and then what? Your husband has to protect you in prayer and cover his family in prayer. In this case, you sound stronger and you will get frustrated spiritually. Pray and listen to God…not your emotions. If this is God’s will though, it will all work out so your joy may be complete!!!!
Not Me // November 12, 2007 at 5:04 pm |
that last one is the hardest to do i think.
JOSEPH AMOAH // December 3, 2007 at 12:27 pm |
I AM IN RELATIONSHIP WHICH IS SUPPOSE TO BE CHRISTAIN NATURE, MY PARTNER POSES TO BE TO CHRISTIAN DUE TO HER DESIRE FOR WORHIP AND PRAYER TO GOD, BUT CONSIDER ME WHO IS NOT BOSTRIOUS IN WORSHIP AND PRAYER TO BE SOMETHING ELSE, SOMETIME I HAVE TO EDUCATE HER DEEDS BY BIBLICAL REFERNCE FOR HER TO KNOW WHERE IS IS LACKING. I DO NOT DISTINGUISH MY SELF SO MUCH BUT I BELIEVE IN GOD THE FATHER ALIGHTY AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST. THIS PARTNER OF MINE COMPERS ME OFTEN TO SOMEONE SHE CLAIMS WANTED TO MARRY HER AND COSIDERS HIM TO BE MORE CHRISTIAN THAN ME. YESTERDAY SHE ADVICE A FRIEND ON PHONE RGARDING FAMILY ISSUE AND HER CONTRIBUTION TO THE OTHER PARTY WAS SO HEART BREAKING, JUDGING FROM HER SPRITUAL BACKGROUND, AM WORRIED AND AT A LOSS OBOUT THE MARRAIGE PLANS. PLEASE ADVICE
Seleta // December 24, 2007 at 10:43 pm |
12/24/07
To Joseph A.,
Joseph, Joseph,Joseph……You can do bad by yourself, you can do good by yourself!!
Why do you think God and the Holy Spirit have you thinking this way and have you so upset that you write about it on a christian website?
PRAY, PRAY, PRAY……………………
next, PRAY SOME MORE……Because people come and people go, girlfriends come and girlfriends go. Just like my past boyfriends came and went. Jesus and God stay with us. Jesus said his peace he will leave with us. Not like the peace of the world that can be taken away. His peace stays with us. If you are already unhappy with this dippy girl before you marry her, how much more horrible will the situation be when you two are married, living together and you are STUCK in your unhappiness. ITS BLESSED TO BE SINGLE AND HAPPY!
AMEN…HALLELUJAH, THANK YOU JESUS ! !
ericka // February 24, 2008 at 4:14 am |
I feel #1 can be misinterpreted. Mark 12:30) ‘And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. I would rather a Christian man put God first above all other relationships. Guidance and true love comes from God according to this great article at http://www.seekgod.org/message/relationships.html. I left an abusive relationship with a man who demanded that I put him first before God. I did not want my relationship to be an idol. The Holy Spirit actually corrected me that he wasn’t what God intended for me. It’s God’s will that should be done. I am human, so to put my will first in a relationship would not be Godly at all. Mat 6:21 For where your treasure is, your heart be also.
For more great topics:
http://www.heartofthehills.com/
anne // February 24, 2008 at 11:52 pm |
Hey I was inspired by some of what I read. I do not have a Christian husband, or should I just say a husband at all. I really long for one…one who loves me and i him. I think I know who God has for me but we live in different cities. I just hope God does not forget about me or is not angry because of my past mistakes. Although our sin may be as crimson He washes it as white as snow.
Child of the Most High God // May 1, 2008 at 8:09 pm |
I am separated and have been for the past 4 going on 5 years. My husband is living with his girlfriend in another state and getting ready to have a baby in a month. Yet he still does not want a divorce. He said he realize he left someone who was for him for a person he thought he wanted. Becasue he is an unbeliever and the bible says we should not leave if they desire to stay with you, does that apply in this case.
He contested a divorce twice before his girlfriend got pregnant, but he did not leave her.
Now he begs me not to. My son and I have a good relationship with him. we talk and I have forgiven him, however, I no longer think he is the man for me.
What should I do?
Puresa // May 21, 2008 at 6:02 pm |
All above touched my heart! I am marry a man that isn’t a believer, despite he says the opposite. I am marry for 15 years. It has been so hard to maintain a relationship with someone that doesn’t have God as the leader of our house! I decided to move to USA because I believed my husband wans’t understand well the message in my church in Brazil. In USA his attitude was the same . He didn’t have a close relationship to God and God’s people. He likes to drink, he likes pornography and I am living a life by appearences. I would like have someone’s advice because I am putting my weakness in God’s hands, but I am not strong and I am getting tired!
What should I do?
Lucy // September 28, 2008 at 5:26 pm |
How about she? rather than he, he, he. She is called to submit to her husband in all things so make sure you choose your man carefully.
Anita Moore // October 9, 2008 at 5:28 pm |
Some men claim Jesus and then you marry them and it all changes. That is where I am at. He talks to ex-girlfriend while I am at work, has stuff at her house, has broken every commitment and then says he can do that because HE IS THE BOSS!! He says he dosnt have to do anything he says he will and that his mission to get into heaven will happen without the need of JESUS or the BIBLE. He now claims it is all made up by an accult of sad individuals needing to cling to some fragment of hope. He says life has NO RULES and neither should marriage period.
eveinthegarden // November 13, 2008 at 10:24 pm |
My husband claims to be a devout Christian but I believe he has skewed perceptions of what that means. First of all, he treats me as the perpetual Eve that was tricked in the Garden. Because this nature is in all women he feels justified by limiting my every move-not because he fears for my physical safety but because he is worried that some man may try to talk to me. He is incarcerated so he cannot do much of anything in the way of a husband’s duties to a wife except pray for me but he consumes his time with making sure that I am focused on putting him first. If he could put me in a burka and make me stay in the house all the time he’d love that. He thinks that I should do every little thing he says, regardless of whether it impacts us financially or not–he comes first. He doesnt contribute towards bills but I would send him breakdowns of the budget nonetheless. He expressed no interest or concern with them as long as I was able to send him what he wanted and come visit and keep the phone on so he can call. I am that Proverbs wife. I am resourcful, intelligent and faithful and yet if he doesnt get his way explicitly I become the worst wife in the world. I have started and stopped doing a home based business at least three times merely because he doesnt want me talking to male customers. If he’d had his way last night I would have gone to midweek bible study (as I always do) instead of celebrating my 7yr olds birthday with a small cake at home. I do everything for him and he does nothing but demand more or complain about what he doesnt have. He claims I am not respectful of him but honestly, after almost three years of this controlling verbal abuse Im sick of it. Im not leaving but I told him I refuse to live silently in an abusive relationship.
clipshore // December 30, 2008 at 9:02 am |
Hi,
I would particularly look for a christian mate who deeply loves me and avoids verbal abuse if at all a situation arises. takes care of me and also leaves according to the inscriptions that are prescribed in the bible.
with thanks
Bulimia News and Discussion Forum
maggie // April 10, 2009 at 3:03 am |
Eveinthegarden,
Get a pastor and perhaps a few other strong Christian men to visit your husband. Seriously walk into a Christain church and ask the pastor to please help him. The power of a man to man conversation, especially with God’s help and blessing, will definitely help in my opinion. Your husband has gotten some wrong interpretations of scripture along the way, and some Godly men will most likely set him straight (if it is in God’s will of course). If I know unGodly men, they do not want to hear a woman tell them that they’ve got it wrong or try to teach them anything for that matter. However, a man could say the exact same thing, and he will somehow miraculously understand what you’ve been saying all along. Just try it! Love you sister, and I’ll pray for you!! Be blessed!
Clara // May 3, 2009 at 2:58 pm |
I am a born again believer, but my husband and I divorced two years ago. I still love him and live in this permanent grief . . . all the time. I have prayed for restoration and right now I feel so lonely although I know Jesus is wtih me. I have no desire to live.
Rachel // May 8, 2009 at 6:08 pm |
Hold on in there. Pray to let go and things will change. Trust the Lord and realise he has new and exciting things for you. One day you will realise this is just a memory. said, |You need to HOLD on and learn to let go. Its not easy but it helps to share with a couple of good friends and take up something new in your life especially in a capacity to give, i.e. homeless guys. I griefed for 5 years although my ex married another after 2 years split and has 2 kids. You have to really cry your heart out and ask God to take it from you – grief is a process and you have to go through the stages. Maybe you are idealising him. Honestly if the relationship was good you would still be there but consider you were brought out of it. God has wonderful things planned for you…don’t look at the closed door of your last relationship but the open door God has for you. Things will change, but you have to pray to God to LET GO, then wait and try to force yourself to get involved in something so that you don’t dwell on your ex. God Bless
Mary Olivas // May 8, 2009 at 11:55 pm |
That’s where I am right now. Going through a divorce from a man that made me feel despised. I always felt like I was second choice with him, and his passive aggressiveness and manipulation was draining. I stayed with him for 15 year, until God brought me out after my eyes were opened that I was just a victim. He is an angry man who doesn’t know what he wants, and he makes whoever is with him miserable. I have asked God for forgiveness in choosing this man as my husband because I really compromised myself. I want to live for God and I know that I have God and Jesus’ love, protection, and provision – what more could I want? I know that He is working on my healing, and I have asked Jesus to take my pain and restore me to himself. Sisters, let us not lie to ourselves when we see ungodly traits; let us not commit ourselves to a husband like this because we do not want to be caught in the snare! I pray protection for all my sisters in the Lord! Amen
Clara // May 10, 2009 at 2:49 pm |
Thank you, Rachel. I was just listening to a message from Joel Osteen about letting go of the past and he quoted that verse where He says that He will give us beauty for our former ashes, joy for mourning . . . Yes, Lord Jesus, help me let go of the ashes.
I don’t have a lot of friends because I am really private and prefer not to share these things with people who would not understand and wouldn’t be able to give me encouragement from the Word of God. They gave me worldly wisdom, even the Christians: that I should get out there and meet people, pass the time, etc. Still, sometimes I thought that was my only option, but I didn’t follow through. We know that it is not about just meeting all kinds of people, but a godly man who would love me as Christ loved the church so that all my love and dignified servanthood would not be misconstrued as weakness.
Basically, I just need to continue forgiving all those who hurt me and let go of those ashes.
stephanie // May 22, 2009 at 4:12 am |
hi everyone,
i have been greatly encouraged to hear that i am not the only single woman struggling to find peace in a relationship with another professing believer. i just finished a long talk with a wonderful man i have been seeing for just under a year now. he professes belief in God, spends time reading the Bible and is always open to books i send his way. however, i think my lack of peace is rooted in the fact that he doesn’t challenge or grow me in my spiritual relationship. he is open to my leading, but doesn’t initiate. i am also worried because there isn’t a pattern of going to church together as a family (he has children, and is a widower), or praying together…things that i feel are so integral to staying close to Christ (and things i think a genuine believer wants to do). another thing that has not made sense is that he says he does not feel personally convicted about having sex before marriage, although he will honour my conviction (provided i am strong enough to remind both of us of it). i don’t know how he can be saved, and have the Holy Spirit, yet not feel convicted about something the Bible says.
it is tough because it seems as though it isn’t just enough to find another believer…you have to find someone with whom you are ’spiritually compatible’. i want to find a man passionately in love with Christ. it is hard to explain exactly what that ‘looks’ like though…i learned that in my conversation tonight. i felt so badly because i felt like i was telling him he was a ‘bad Christian’ or less of a Christian or something. maybe this is just satan attacking me?
i just want the Lord to tell me He is as interested in my mate choice as i am…and that i’ve made the right decision in having the conversation i had tonight.
i know He is pleased in my heart…but it would still be nice to hear it in a more tangible form!
Lana // May 29, 2009 at 7:52 am |
stephanie said, “i want to find a man passionately in love with Christ.”
Wow, I have been looking for a man like that for 5 Yrs…I couldn’t find yet, if somebody knows where I can find a real Christian guy…Plissss let know!!
Tnx, I’d appreciate!
Rose // July 18, 2009 at 5:16 pm |
Praise the lord
Am a born again christian ,spritually filled, am no longer leaving in flesh but christ lives in me.
I belong to him and he belong to me. Iam one with christ.
Rose // July 18, 2009 at 5:18 pm |
Am looking for a husband true christian,adjustable and spirtually filled. between 40 years onwards.
Damaris // August 28, 2009 at 8:57 am |
it’s good to be honest with your boyfriend or girlfriend as it states the Bible that we should love one another as lord did
DAN // November 2, 2009 at 1:03 am |
Hi all,
been reading the last few threads and sorry to disappoint – but there is no perfect man!!! God has shown me this the very very hard way as I went against all of my values to pursue a relationship that was not from God or for my good.
He was verbally abusive, gave me a STD, pushed me into having an abortion – then I married him to help him with his immigration status!! Was I stupid or what? But I loved him and truly believed that with patience, prayer and understanding things would get better!!! Boy was I wrong – we moved in together and we argued every 3-4 days, the most memorable being because I brought the wrong type of bread and butter!! Anyway, I finally had to admit to myself that God had been telling me that this was not the right person for me all along – manipulative, arrogant, ungrateful, argumentative – these definately are not the characteristics of a Christian husband. SO, now I have moved back to my family home and am slowly trying to re-build my self-esteem – I’m a smart girl whose been going to church from childhood and recently building up my faith so I wonder HOW DID I GET IT SO WRONG!!
But God is good, through this drama I have learnt so much about myself and the traits that are really important in life – Godliness, kindness, patience….but it begins with me right? So I strive to work on myself first before I can even contemplate another relationship. I write this testimony to all those who are not sure whether to marry the man – listen to that voice in you – it doesn’t lie, at around the same time that I started dating this man there was another man that loved me so much that he cried when he saw me with this man – he told me that he had agape love for me and had told all of his family and friends about me – but he wasn’t ‘witty’ or ‘cool’ enough for me!! Big mistake-he was/is the kind of husband that I am looking for I just didn’t know what I needed instead focusing on what I wanted.
So ladies be true to yourselves, don’t do what I did and ignore that small voice, ask for the opinion of trusted family and/or friends, they won’t lie to you, and please please don’t settle for worldy reasons such as because all your friends are getting married and/or having babies – this decision is too important to take lightly.
I have been traumatized but I am working through it. I am learning to forgive him day by day as I realise that I had a big part to play in this.
P.S I did not sign his immigration papers, but I am considering writing a book about my experiences and how God has shown me that he truly is the alpha and omega – don’t start or finish anything until you have spoken to the almightly first.
DAN, London United Kingdom
Carole // November 2, 2009 at 9:30 pm |
Just keep Praying Girl – put it to God and he will bring you through this period of intense trials and testing.
Stay Blessed…
Juanita // November 9, 2009 at 10:11 pm |
To all….
Pray in time of need, but most importantly- pray just to talk to Our Father. He enjoys acknoweledgment just as we do. Pray is so close to the word Praise. Do not forget his graciousness.
lisa // November 15, 2009 at 5:07 am |
To all of these threads I have read. There is but one thing missing. Yes we do desire to have a husband, and yes he feel we need a husband. Yet we have forgotten the most important thing! We have forgotten that first and foremost we are the bride of Christ which means we have a husband that cherishes us and loves us. Remember he is our husband in life and in death. Many like I desire a friend and mate and companion to love us and desire to be with us because he wants to be with us. It is as the bride of Christ that it is Jesus’s job to supply all of our needs and desires that are good for us. Including bringing a husband for our life that comes up to his standards for us. I pray that all of you put first your spiritual relationship. For the bible says” when we put things in order he gets the praise, the glory and the honor. I pray my life and my husband that Jesus has purposed for me to come into my life quickly and that our relationship be glorifying in his name. I believe God has a calling on my life and I need a special husband. One that withstand the pressures of ministry. I know I have needs that maybe only God can understand. So I pray that the Lord will bless you with a husband that has all of the qualifications that God knows we need and that these men come quickly and with the blessing from God and that God lets us know he is the one that he has chosen for us.