About the Sexual Revolution

The sexual revolution happened before I was born. All I know of it was what I saw on TV – women marching, burning their bras and equality being demanded for all women. Equal pay, equal rights and the equal ability to sleep around.

Or, at least, that’s how it was portrayed.

I think the sexual revolution and the women’s equality movement were beneficial to me in many ways. I appreciate the fact that I am paid as much as my male counterparts. I appreciate the fact that my future daughters can play any sport they want. And I appreciate all the minority government contracts that were set aside for minorities and women. (Not to mention my previously obtained rights to vote and to own property.)
But I also think the sexual revolution brought great losses to women.

One of the issues I have with this ‘revolution’ is the idea that women are now ‘equal’ in their ability to sleep around. Women of my generation and of the generation preceding me were told we were free to sleep with whom we wanted. Birth control became widely available and sex was no longer tied to the idea of procreation. Now, we could just have sex for fun. We could be just as sexually adventurous as man, we were told. Live a little. Date. Sleep around. Enjoy yourself. It’s your Right.

But they never told us the other side of the coin. That with sexual promiscuity comes a higher level of responsibility. That getting pregnant no longer meant a man would ask you to marry him. Or even stick around. As a matter of fact, abortions were as widely available as birth control, so that was now one of the choices we had to make for ourselves.

They never told us that since sex was no longer tied to procreation, not only would the man not necessarily stick around, but may never even acknowledge his child. Nor would there be anyone to pressure this young (or old) man into being responsible. Women were now solely responsible for themselves and, in many cases, responsible for the welfare and development of their children.

And they never told us that men and women process sex so very differently. That the hormonal and biological interactions that occur during sex cause men to become distant and women to become clingy. The Bible even says that sex is the only sin you do to your own body – and that you are ‘joined’ with every person you have sex with. The Bible meant that you are joined ’spiritually’ – so you connect with every single person you have sex with. And, unless you go through a long period of cleansing and renewal, you will always carry those people around with you in your spirit. For the rest of our lives.

They never told us that.

The other problem I have with the sexual revolution is that I don’t think it prepared women to deal with the reality of being ‘equal’ to men. Yes, we could join the work force, and no longer had to stay home to raise the kids, but we also lost quite a bit. Because we said that a woman has no set place, we now don’t seem to know who we are or where we belong. Most women (myself included) love going to work every day and making a living, but when it comes to the idea of marriage and the ‘equal’ roles that I am told I should want – I am left at a loss. So now I don’t have to cook, clean or be a full-time mom. But, what if I want to do those things? Does that make me any less ‘liberated’? I am often struck not by how many women work these days, but how many women still choose to stay home and be full-time moms. College-educated, smart, work-oriented women. And studies show that women still do the majority of the household and child-raising duties. So, what did we really gain? A new expectation that not only would we work full-time, but that we would do the majority of the household chores and still do most of the child-rearing. That doesn’t sound promising.

The Bible admonishes me to be submissive and humble as a wife. To respect my husband and to serve him as I serve the Lord. Society tells me to be equal to my husband (or even to be dominant in the relationship) and to demand my ‘rights’. Who’s right?

I can tell you this for sure – I do want my rights in my marriage. I want my ‘right’ to have a husband who loves me as much as he loves himself. I want my ‘right’ to have my husband minister to me spiritually and emotionally. And I want my ‘right’ to have a husband who will do what he needs to do to support our combined household (spiritually, financially, etc.). And I want my ‘right’ to a husband who feels just as responsible for our children, our spiritual life and our marriage.

I’m just not sure where all that fits in with the ’sexual revolution.’

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Excerpt from The Single Black Woman’s Guide to Christian Dating, http://www.christiansinglewoman.com.

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The Dynamics of Cheating

For the man or woman whose signifcant other has or is cheating on him on her:  it’s not about you.

 For the man or woman who is or has cheated on his or her loved one:  You are the problem.  But there is hope.

There’s hope because – in many ways – why you cheat is not about your character, your faith or your willpower.  I would even go so far to say that cheating is not a reflection of how ’spiritual’ you are. Some of the best people in the world I know have cheated or struggle with being faithful.  Some people that I don’t think much of have been consistently monogamous.

So what am I saying?  That engaging in unfaithful behavior is a reflection of what’s going on inside of you.  Your struggles, your perceptions, and your past experiences.  The events that have gone into shaping you.  How you deal with stress.  Where you find your self-esteem.  What comforts, soothes or calms you down. You do not cheat because you are a ‘bad’ person.  Cheating, simply put, is something you (your flesh) desire to make you feel better.  It is a ‘work of the flesh’ as reflected in Galatians 5:19-21:

     “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these: fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousies, wraths, factions, divisions, parties,  envyings, drunkenness, revellings, and such like; of which I forewarn you, even as I did forewarn you, that they who practise such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. “

For those who struggle with sexual purity, cheating is a particularly challenging foe.  It says in the Bible that the enemy can only ‘tempt’ us with what is already inside of us (James 1:13-14).  If you already have an inclination towards illicit sex (sex outside of the boundaries of a Godly marriage), this is something that you will probably struggle with before, during and after marriage.  As a good friend of mine once remarked, ‘being married doesn’t change the fact that you find other people attractive.’  Amen to that.

In its least harmful form (to you at least), cheating is a reflection of a lack of self-control.  At its very worst, cheating is a way of attaining satisfaction.  It’s worst when you cheat to gain satisfaction – be it enhanced self-esteem, ego-stroking, comfort, solace or validation – because sex can never satisfy those desires.  So if you are looking outside of your relationship to find those things, you will never find what you seek.  Which usually leads to you continuing to engage in illicit sex to get the ‘temporary’ fix this type of sex provides.

If you are having sex because you lack self-control (and can’t figure out how to say no), this is the least harmful (to you, of course, not to your partner) because gaining self-control is a lot easier than learning how to find validation, self-esteem or comfort.  Like food and drugs, we use sex to provide many things it was not designed to give.  And like food and drugs, you will have to re-educate yourself to end this vicious cycle.

And how do you train yourself to not cheat?  As I said in the beginning, it starts with acknowledging you are the problem.  You don’t cheat because because your wife gained 20 pounds or because your husband doesn’t treat you very well.  It’s never because of another person – it’s all about you.  You cheat because of who you are, what you struggle with, your motivations and your experiences.  All these things decide how you will respond to outside temptation.  So first you have to figure out why you are doing it.

In order to ascertain this, think about the last time you had sex with someone other than your significant other.  How did that encounter make you feel as you were carrying it out?  What did you walk away feeling?  Did you feel better about yourself?  Did you feel like you were the ‘man’ or that you were the ‘woman’?  Did you pat yourself on the back for how ’smart’ you were by being able to fool your man, your woman or your friends?  Or did you finally feel a sense of satisfaction – your stress was gone or your mind had cleared?  Did you feel relaxed and ready to face the world? Did you leave this other man or woman feeling on top of the world?  Was it exciting to plan it out, choose a meeting spot and do something you had no business doing?  Or, did you finally feel loved?  Did you think, ‘well my husband (or wife) didn’t want me but this person did?  Or did you do it because you feel conflict about the person you are with?  That your relationship isn’t the right one for you?  Is your cheating a reflection of the doubt and ambiguity you feel towards your spouse?

Spend time thinking about this and then pray.  Go to God openly and ask Him to reveal to you why you are doing what you’re doing.  Ask Him to help you as you make the journey towards wholeness and wellness and stop cheating on your mate.  He may reveal things to you from your childhood that you never quite got over.  He may point out things that are flawed within your marriage that you need to address.  He will probably show you how you misuse this gift for your own selfish desires.  He may even show you that that person was not the one He had intended for you at all.  But, most likely, He will point out you to yourself. 

Ask Him then to help you resolve or change those behaviors that cause you to act the way you do.  Ask Him to help you find new friends, a new city or new hobbies to take you away from that person or the situation that triggers you.  Ask Him to give you strength and harden your willpower as you struggle to walk away.

Here’s the truth:  you won’t be able to do it alone.  As a child of God, you will find your strength and your ability are contingent upon your relationship with the Father.  If you are weak in that relationship, your other relatonships will suffer as well. 

Finally, do what He asks you to do.  Accept that He knows what is best and promise yourself (and Him) that you will follow His directions.  It will probably involve further praying and maybe even some fasting.  It may involve cutting some people out of your life.  It may involve sacrificing something you are simply not prepared to give up.  It will most likely involve cultivating regular communion with God and enhanced Bible study and meditation.  It may be something difficult.  But it will be worth it as you put God’s values, and your family, above your own selfish, self-centered desires.  There is nothing in this world more important than following God.  And that’s what you want to do….

It will be hard.  But, with God’s help (and your desire to change) you can do it.  Here are some scriptures to reflect on as you go through your journey:

Jam 1:12-15

Blessed is the man that endureth temptation; for when he hath been approved, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord promised to them that love him.

Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God; for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempteth no man: but each man is tempted, when he is drawn away by his own lust, and enticed.

Then the lust, when it hath conceived, beareth sin: and the sin, when it is fullgrown, bringeth forth death.
Gal 5:16-17

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. 

For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are contrary the one to the other; that ye may not do the things that ye would.

Phi 4:6-7, 13

In nothing be anxious; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus…

I CAN DO ALL THINGS IN HIM THAT STRENGTHENETH ME.

(Emphasis mine) 

Would You Date a Man Who Makes Less Than You?

This is just a quick post to ask the following question: 

 Ladies: 

Would you date a man who makes less than you?

 Men:

Do you think it’s okay to date a woman who makes more than you?

 Feel free to quote the Bible, share personal experiences or tell us what your pastor/spiritual mentor or friends think.

After I get a few responses, I will let you all know what I think.

Can’t wait to hear from you!

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Update:

Thank you all for your responses.  The reason I asked this question is because I’ve been noticing a trend where women are becoming the higher wage earners in their relationships.  This seems to have led to a variety of good and bad changes in the marital relationship, as well as in the dating relationship.  Role changes, respect, etc., etc. (I’ll probably address this in more detail in another post.)  Even though this is the case, I still hear a lot of women say they want a man who makes a certain amount of money, has a certain type of degree or has certain type of assets, when the reality is that many men simply don’t have it like that. 

That made me wonder what we really value about our men – is it their income or their level of spirituality?  We all choose mates for a variety of reason, but in today’s changing economy (with downsizing, layoffs and businesses closing down and merging), it seems like income is the last thing you can depend on.  Much more important seems to be the content of your prospective mate’s character – is he or she a hard worker, does he or she love God and is he or she a loving person?  Not to say a good-hearted person who refuses to work is a good choice, but a materialistic workaholic is probably not a very good choice either. 

There is no security to be found in a paycheck.  Ask the Silicon Valley IT workers.  Ask the dot-com entrepreneuers. Ask the people who used to work for Ford and Chrysler.  Ask yourself if you’ve recently experienced a ‘downsize’ in your paycheck.

Doug – I’m really sorry for the experience you had with a Christian woman.  And, to answer your question, I do not think that most of us realize what a ‘covenant’ really means.  To many of us, a marriage covenant only lasts until we no longer ‘feel like it.’  Now, I’m not saying there are not valid reasons to get divorced (the Bible covers that), but I know of many partners who go into it lightheartedly and head out at the first sign of trouble.  God’s idea of covenant involved personal sacrifice, dedication, continuity and faithfulness.  His covenant to us was so powerful that He carried it out even when we thought nothing about Him (while we were yet sinners).  He personally sacrificed His own beloved son in agreement with His covenant to be our God and to save us from this world and from sin.

How many of us are willing to sacrifice our very lives to honor our commitments?  Not very many.

This has truly been an interesting debate.  Please feel free to let me know of any further thoughts you all might have.

Players in the Church

I wrote this article a while ago, but I think it is still pretty relevant.  I would love to know what you think, so please comment!

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Are there ‘Players’ in the Christian church? We all know some guy or girl whose life was utterly changed after meeting someone who ‘blew their mind’ and now their nose is ‘wide open’. And, as hard as they try, they can’t seem to let this person go, even though it costs them money, sleep and wasted time. In this article, we expose these ‘players’ for what they are, identifying the three levels of ‘playerism’, tactics and techniques of the player and ways to avoid falling into their traps!

     First, who are these ‘players?. I define players as those who are doing just that – playing. They play at relationships, they play at commitment and they play with your time. They are not serious, they are not likely to get serious any time soon and simply enjoy the game too much to ever fully give it up. There are three levels of players in the dating game:

     1. ‘Dog’ – Yes, I know this term is offensive to many, but more offensive than that is how the ‘dog’ treats his or her conquests. A ‘dog’ is a player who will date anybody, at any time, under any circumstances. Morals? Values? Forget it. The ‘dog’ will take advantage or your feelings, your best friend’s feelings and then hit on your mom or dad. Most ‘dogs’ are always broke and always looking for a ‘come up’. A ‘dog’ is to be avoided at all costs. Signs that an individual is a ‘dog’:

a. They ask you to dance and if you say no, they ask your friend; 
b. Their pager or phone rings off the hook;
c. They are always checking other people out when you are together;
d. They have several ‘baby mamas’ or ‘baby daddies’;
e. They have no particular ‘type’ – they think short or tall, big or small and everything in between is fine.

     2. ‘Player‘ – The ‘Player’ has gone beyond the level of ‘dog’. They have developed a little more discretion in their dating choices and can afford to be a little more choosy. As a result, the ‘Player’ often dates nice-looking men or women or someone with money.  The ‘Player’ has acquired a few toys, has a nice car or a nice body, which he or she will use to part you from your time, your money, or sexual abstinence.  They are not ready to settle down and will only give vague responses when asked when their last long-term relationship was. ‘Players’, though nice company, are a waste of time and should be avoided. Signs that an individual is a player:

a. Their phone or pager vibrates constantly (they’ve learned how to be quiet about their other men or women); 
b. They say things like ‘I want to settle down when the time is right’ (translation – no time soon and not with you!);
c. They will take you out to nice places or make you a nice dinner, but they always expect something in return; 
d. They are very casual about when they can see you again (because their schedule is filled with other people and other events); and 
e. They respond to your declaration of love with ‘I care about you as well. But I told you I wasn’t ready to settle down’ and then hope that you never bring it up again!
 
     3. ‘Mack‘ – The ‘Mack’ has mastered the dating game. He or she is ’sharp’ and well-dressed at all times. They have a nice houses, nice cars, and they usually have outstanding personalities. They have an inflated sense of their own self-worth and will remind you of it every chance they get. They are charming, sincere, but non-committal. ‘Macks’ are the most problematic of all the players, because they fool you into thinking you are ’special’.  And you feel ’special’ until you realize they treat everyone else the same way, too!  Have fun, go out on a couple of dates, but forget about long-term commitment with the ‘Mack’. Signs that an individual is a ‘Mack: ‘
 

a. You are never sure where their cell phone or pager is (they have discreetly turned it off or placed it in another room to avoid detection);
b. They have always been left heartbroken by some other relationship, which is why they can’t commit to you;
c. You can rarely catch up with them (after all, when they are with someone else, their cell phone or pager is turned off to you as well!);
d. They always behave as if going out with them is an honor; and 
e. They say things like ‘I really care about you’, but their real philosophy is ‘out of sight, out of mind.’

     How can you avoid these players and beat them at their own game? Easy – spend a lot of time when you first meet someone carefully evaluating their statements. Ask yourself these questions – When was the last time they were in a serious relationship? How many children do they have (and by how many different people)? How do they feel about marriage? How often do they call or spend time with you? And definitely don’t rely just on what comes out their mouths – look at their behavior as well. Do these individuals call when they say they will? Do they schedule ‘prime time’ with you (6:00 p.m. on weekdays or afternoon/early evening hours on the weekend)? Or do they call you only during the ‘booty call’ hours (9:00 p.m. on weekdays and even later on the weekends)? I know it’s hard to realize that someone you care about may not care as much about you, but it’s better to face the truth now than pay the consequences later.

     If your main squeeze is failing to show signs of being a commitment-minded, Christian-led individual, then let him or her go. Right now! And learn from your mistakes. Know that your true love is out there, somewhere, and this person will not play games to win your heart. Keep praying, keep going to church and keep talking to God and you can avoid all the traps of the Christian ‘Player’!

Witnessing From the Bedroom

I’ve been an (adult) member of a church since 1997, so I experienced the Christian dating scence up close and personal for many years.  And, as scary as it is on the ‘outside’ (in the world), it sometimes seemed even scarier on the inside.  We think when we are newly saved that God will send the man or woman of our dreams who will respect our boundaries, fall in love, commit and then we will get married.  Or we think that dating a nice Christian brother or sister will somehow be significantly different than dating someone who doesn’t know Christ.  And it is in many ways.  You have someone who understands your commitment to God, that hopefully enjoys church as much as you do and can be counted on to help you get through your crisis.  But many times these relationships don’t work out.  So we turn to Plan B.

Which I call ‘Witnessing From the Bedroom.”

What exactly is Witnessing From the Bedroom?  When we begin to date in the hopes of getting married, but get distracted, side-tracked and caught up in the sexual relationship.  Somehow, we think that, okay, if I stick with this for a while, he (or she) will eventually come to realize they love me and that they want to take this relationship further.  That by giving my body to him or her (or providing a sexual service for him or her), I am showing my seriousness and tying him or her closer to me.

I only have one thing to say about this practice:  it doesn’t work.

If a man or woman want to commit to you, they will.  Sex does not make anyone more committed.  Sex will not make anyone stay in a relationship with you.  And, finally, sex is not an effective means of taking the relationship to the next level.  Sex in the wrong context is just that – sex.  A meaningless physical act between two people.

I’m not one of those people who talk about being a born-again Virgin or the evils of fornication (we all know that sex in a loving, married relationship is a thing of Beauty as God created it to be), but I am one of those people who say: Be Smart!  Take care of yourself and your body.  And recognize the consequences of your actions when you engage in a sexual relationship with another person.

Next time, I will talk about the physical, emotional and spiritual changes that come when you are sexually involved with another person.

 Until then – Be Blessed!

It’s All About…Reciprocation!

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about his dating situation.  He’s a really great guy and (as far as I can see) pretty in demand on the dating market.  He mentioned that someone had expressed in interest in him and my question to him – automatically – was, and what did you do?

Because that’s what this whole dating situation is all about - Reciprocation!  You can’t date someone who is not dating you!  What do I mean?  Read on….

Ladies - there is no problem with you showing interest in a man.  Asking discreet questions.  Getting to know him over a long period of time through church, work, school or through friends-in-common.  There is a BIG problem, however, when you pursue men who have (thus far) shown no interest in you.

Women who call frequently and only receive sporadic return phone calls.  Women who arrange dates and wait in vain for their young men to invite them to dinner.  Women who put themselves in the object of their interest’s way, only to receive a passing hello or an even more passing goodbye.  In other words, women who pursue, but are never similarly pursued.

I have something to unequivocally say about most men:  Men will go after a woman they are interested in.  Period.

Ladies – no one is that shy, that busy or that scared to pursue a relationship.  I don’t care what he tells you! More than likely, he is telling you those things (or you have convinced yourself those things are true) because he does not want to be in a relationship….with you.  Want to be sure?  Watch him closely to see who he is dating.  Notice the attention he pays to her.  Notice that she seems to have no problem getting a date, getting a return phone call or getting ‘quality time’ with him.  This is the sight of a man who is interested.  Note it for future reference.  And learn from this experience.

It’s time to fact the truth – He’s just not interested.  And it’s not personal.  I’ve been there, you’ve been there, heck, we’ve all been there!  He doesn’t know you well enough to know if you would make a great wife, a wonderful friend or a Christian soulmate.  His head (for some reason or another) is somewhere else or he is doing something else.  There is no need to concern yourself with the details or try to figure out the reasons why.  Just LEAVE IT ALONE. 

Know why?  You are worth more than that.  You deserve someone who is interested in you and can show that interest by returning your phone calls, taking you out on dates, spending ‘qualilty time’ with you and getting to know your Christian soul.

Just hold out for this guy.  He’s on the way.

Be Blessed.

And Be Strong….

Missing in Action!

Hello everyone!!!

 I wanted to apologize for being ‘Missing in Action’ the last month or so.  I recently started back in school so that I could complete my psychology/religious studies degree, and it has been quite time-consuming!

I also wanted to thank you all for continuing to visit and be a part of this blog.  I am reviewing all the comments and will respond/visit/comment on other blogs very soon!

Believe me, I have a whole, whole lot more to say about the singles scene and I can’t wait to start writing again.  So, I’ll talk to you all soon!

 Oh yeah – Pray for me as I continue this education journey!  For those of you who’ve completed their higher education, any advice would be welcome.  And for those of you in the midst of it, let me know how it’s going and I’ll pray for you as well!

You Might Be A Stalker If….

Ever wonder what the characteristics of a stalker are?  If you recognize yourself in the following list, then it just may be you!

Okay, so you wanted to know what your boyfriend or girlfriend was doing last night. And you needed to go to the grocery store anyway, so you thought since you were ‘in the neighborhood’, you would just drive by his or her house. Or you called your new love and he or she didn’t call you back. So you called again. And then again. And then several more times. Could you be a stalker?

We all hear stalker stories and see stalker movies, but, for some reason, we never think it applies to us. But, hey, I’ve done and you’ve probably done it too, so let’s just be real! What is a stalker?  A stalker is typically defined as someone who is overly concerned with someone else’s behavior. This ‘concern’ leads them to play an intrusive role (seen or unseen) in that person’s life. Here are some signs that you might be a stalker:

     1. You drop or drive by someone’s house uninvited

     2. You ’stake out’ that person’s house to see who shows up

     3. You go out on a ’search’ mission to find out where someone is

     4. You call (with your number blocked) and hang up

     5. You call someone repeatedly until that person answers

     6. You write anonymous letters

     7. You ’show up’ at that person’s job unexpectedly

     8. You go through someone’s belongings

     9. You read someone’s text messages, letters or phone book entries

     10. You show up places you know that person will be.

If you are a stalker or have been a stalker, it’s okay! Admit it to yourself now and then stop being one. You are much too valuable to waste yourself pursuing someone who does not want you. Stop today. Live your own life! The next time you want to drive by that person’s house, don’t! The next time you start to call that person, don’t! If you are in a real relationship with someone, let them call you or let them come by your house. And then find out what it’s like to have someone chase you instead of the other way around!  Be Blessed

What Do You Have to Offer?

Hello everyone!

Sorry I haven’t been around for a bit – school has got me into somewhat of a bind (I’ve started back full-time).  But I’m back – and, believe me, I have a lot on my mind!

Okay – here is one of my pet peeves.  I will hear a woman say how she’d like to meet a tall, handsome man, with a good job and a good education.  And he should love children and get along with his mom and be spiritual and, you know, just  fill in the blanks (think: perfect).  And I will take a look at her and she is still living with her mom, working at McDonald’s, taking the bus to work and only going to church to catch herself a ‘good’ man.  (Not that there’s anything with working at McDonald’s or catching the bus.)  My point is that I always want to turn to this woman and say, What do you have to offer?

Why, oh, why do we think we can attract a ‘perfect’ man when we are so far from it ourselves?  Why do we never think of the fly in the ointment (which is sure to come) as we detail how tall he should be, what type of school he should have attended and what type of car he be driving.

So let me ask you (and maybe you should ask yourself) – What do you have to offer this gorgeous, spiritual man you’d like to come into your life?  What kind of car are you driving?  Where did you attend school?  How is your spirituality?  No, I don’t think you have to be rich, gorgeous or a size 2 to attract a man, but I think we sometimes need to take a good hard look at ourselves before we advertise for this ‘perfect’ one.

The sad truth is this – we attract what we are.  If you are attracting no-account losers, you need to ask yourself why.  If you are attracting people who never go to church, while all the spiritual brothers ignore you, you need to ask yourself why.  And if you can’t seem to attract anybody, you need to ask yourself why.

I think we would all be a little better off if we took some of that energy we use to fantasize about the perfect guy and become the ‘perfect woman.’  Find your passion and follow it.  It may be going back to school, getting a better job, traveling the world or losing a couple of pounds.  Be the type of woman who could get a date with a classy, spirit-led guy.  Drive your own nice car and let him be wowed by your style.  Or read all the classics and learn a foreign language so that you can hold you own in any intellectual conversation.

I’m just keeping it real – I had to figure out for myself why certain men were attracted to me (married, non-commital, etc.).  Until I finally realized it had a whole lot to do with me.  I didn’t seem like I was interested in anything serious (this was during my serial dating phase), so they didn’t take me seriously either.

I don’t believe every woman is too picky when it comes to dating men, but some of us definitely are.  And I know that if we could devote just a little of that energy to improving ourselves, the results would be much more worthwhile.

What do you think?